#I’ll probably expand more on it later when I think about it more.

[howlsofbloodhounds]

this may sound a little strange but when it comes to the utmv fandom and in universe meta aware characters interacting with ones who aren’t aware, I like to approach it more from like a religious or spiritual belief standpoint. so like, to others, characters like killer and ink seem either really religious or spiritual (ink) or really superstitious/religious/indoctrinated (killer). ink believes in creators, but to killer, those creators are actually more like players.

[bbyseok]

expanding on this post, where you kiss gojo and he starts floating

gojo satoru x gn!reader

you’re greeted with the light of dawn streaming in, and the tickle of white tufts of hair against your chin. satoru’s body is curled close, one of his arms and his legs thrown over you.

it’s not the first time you’ve stayed overnight in gojo’s dorm room, but this is your first time staying over now that you’re a couple. it had been like any other night, but more meaningful touches and a shared buzz of warmth in your chests. and you had fallen asleep in his bed, entangled with his coziness.

but it’s morning now, and you know you should probably leave before yaga finds out you’re not in your own dorm. so somehow, you manage to wring yourself free from satoru’s grasp, even though he mumbles sleepily in complaint.

you can’t help but scoff fondly, peering down at him. his hands feel around in the space you had just been, a groan resonating from his chest as he blearily squints.

a small laugh creeps out of you then, “g’morning, ‘toru.” you bend down to brush your lips against his fleetingly, “i’ll see you in class later.”

when you leave his dorm and hear a soft ‘thud’, you think nothing of it. but it’s only a few steps down the hallway that you realize that you left your uniform jacket hanging on the edge of satoru’s bed.

so you head back, knocking twice on the door to let him know about your presence before opening it.

only to see that your boyfriend that you had left on the bed just moments ago was no where to be seen.

your brows furrow. “satoru? where are you?”

“up here, darling.”

and then your gaze flits up, up, up, just above the mattress. it’s gojo, on the ceiling, looking disheveled with his bed hair a mess, a sheepish grin on his lips.

“uhh, satoru?” you approach the bed, no longer concerned about your jacket as you stare up at him. “what’re you doing up there?”

he blinks down at you. “i woke up.”

you snort. “get down.”

“…i can’t.”

there’s a pause of silence, a period of staring at each other. you’re even more confused. “what do you mean you can’t?”

“i just can’t!”

it’s too early for this, and you’re sure that your chance of being discovered by yaga has shot up by a considerable amount.

“gojo satoru. just deactivate your technique.”

he pouts down at you. “you don’t think i tried that? i don’t know what happened, okay? i woke up from head-butting the ceiling, and even worse, to you gone without a word!”

it’s funny, how he’s much more upset about the fact that you had left him in bed alone rather than the fact that he’s stuck up there.

and it’s also really funny that he was sleepy enough that he didn’t remember you kissing him farewell not even five minutes ago.

“‘toru,” you laugh, shaking your head, “i said good morning and i kissed you.”

aaand now he remembers. he blinks once, twice.

“oh.”

and this time, you burst into a fit of giggles, to which gojo dopily grins down at you — happy that he’s the cause of it, even if it’s because he’s a little silly.

“i can’t believe you still floated even with you still half asleep.” you say, inching even closer to the bed and tilting your head further back to look up at him. “can you seriously not come back down?”

usually after he gets kissed, you or someone else is there to ground him before he floats off, and if not, he regains his composure soon after.

satoru’s pout deepens, fumbling and adjusting his awkward position on the ceiling. “nope.”

with a groan, you toe off your shoes and move to stand on the bed, hands grasping at his shirt and tugging in an attempt to bring him down.

“ugh, come on.”

you try with his hands next, and he’s all too eager to twine your fingers together as you tug on them too. he still isn’t budging.

“babe..” he starts, and you hear his cheeky grin before you see it, “think you needa kiss me again.”

you give him a pointed look. “and why in the world would that work?”

“c’mon, trust me,” satoru pries with a slight whine, “you did this, maybe you can undo it.”

you blink at him incredulously. “i did this? it’s not my fault you turn into a balloon every time i-” you shake your head when he does nothing but stare pleadingly. “fine, fine.”

you lean up on wobbly toes to give him the second kiss of this morning. it’s short but sweet all the same, and gojo chases after your lips as you pull away.

“see, i told you it wouldn-”

satoru yelps and crashes down on top of you, the two of you landing smack down on the bed.

you groan, trapped underneath his weight. at least you know now to be extra careful with your kisses. you can feel him nosing at the underside of your jaw teasingly.

“heh, good morning to you too, sweetheart.”

[neptuneschldd]

Shining a light on “unfavorable” placements. pt.1

Within astrology, I notice a lot of people addressing only the dark sides of dark placements. These placements being considered as unfavorable and or “unfortunate”. However, tougher aspects/placements are generally considered to be gifts, though they are challenges, I see them as direct callings on what allows the individual to reach success. I am not a professional but these are patterns/observations I make from personal experience and life all around me. Now buckle up, this’ll be a long post, I’ll be discussing only planetary/object placements, next part will be aspects however, less descriptive.

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12H & 8H Suns and Moons

12H Suns are considered to be unfavorable however, this placement is actually a gift, though the sun is “shadowed” in this area; individuals with 12H are actually here on a mission, though it is bleak to see, individuals with this placement have power and it’s not even locked potential, it’s just power that they cannot see themselves but naturally exude. 12H suns are directly connected to the subconscious, they have this “one foot in one foot out” approach to reality, they are immensely creative and are gifted with compassion at early ages, though they don’t realize it, they tend to be ahead of the game in the early stages of life

12H Moons; these individuals are given heavy emotions, probably even a transformative connection with their mother, their emotions is where their spiritual knowledge lies, they have strong intuition and are the true empaths of astrology. Those with this placement are driven by their feelings, they know the ins and outs and have all the secrets, this is more hidden/internal knowledge, similar to 12H suns, they can gain a lot of knowledge later in life

Now 8H Suns/Moons are similar to one another. Individuals with these placements have true power in them, and they are gifted with depth and intensity that people are actually afraid of. These are the type of people to get told something toxic about themselves and they hit you with a “I know.” or they will outwardly tell you themselves (If other points in the chart agree). They are masters when it comes to shadow work and they are constantly changing–if you don’t see them for at least a month and they come back, their mindset could have taken a complete 180, for better or for worse. The 8H expands everything it touches, it creates an intense amount of depth to the matter. These individuals also tend to have a lot of people that will outwardly try to put them down, whether it is directly or indirectly, they also tend to have karma on their side. Their Image(Sun) and their emotions(moon)are heavily protected and praying on these individuals' downfall is like asking for a spiritual ass whooping.

Mercury in Pisces & Sagittarius:

Having Mercury in Pisces is an unfavorable placement, these individuals could be seen as forgetful, in a constant cycle of daze, and emotionally detached. However, the thoughts that boil within the brain of this placement is insane. I mean, we have a civil rights activist and a famous genius with this placement, if that doesn’t tell you anything idk what to tell you. These individuals are gifted with a lot of creativity, their thoughts actually run a mile a minute, they are typically well versed in various hobbies, these are the type of people if you ask what they do they might not give you one answer and hang around them long enough, you will see them having a new hobby every week. The ADHD masters, they’ll tell you they never played an instrument and hop on and immediately sound like an intermediate musician. These people have seen and heard it all, they are intelligent and their words hold weight. They say one thing and it’ll last you a lifetime, their advice sits in the back of people’s minds, their words are food for the soul, everything they say is more calculated and meaningful than even they think themselves. Truly underrated.

Next my lovely Sagittarian Mercuries. These individuals could be seen as rude, blunt, obnoxious, and or lacking emotional depth but just like their jupiterian sister pisces; they are much wiser than they put on. These individuals are witty, they are intelligent, they are humorous, their words hold power as well, they tell the truth and they build people up, they’re down to earth and self-assured, they have a way of making people listen, they are captivating in their words and can be lyrically gifted, natural poets in their own way.

Cadent Dominant Placements:

Being Cadent Dominant in my learnings is considered to have most of your placements within the 3H, 6H, 9H, and 12H. In addition, in case you don’t know, cadent houses are the houses further away from the angular houses and after the succedent houses, they tend to be where the most work has to happen are seen as challenging placements to have. Now, these individuals are smart as fuck, for lack of a better term. They are gifted with an inner drive, a drive that not many people will see or understand but themselves, these individuals have the power of moving masses. Though their efforts are indirect, they tend to hit people when it’s least expected–driven, misunderstood and powerful. 3H placements are well versed in communication, 6Hers know how to get shit done, 9Hers and 12Hers are mass movers and the backbone influencers. Having these placements indicate someone important, possibly even beyond a metaphysical sense. They don’t stop until they win and their perseverance is remarkable just as their lives are.

Saturn/Uranus/Pluto Ruled or Dominance (etc.)

Talk about “fuck around and find out”, these indivudals are like the older or even the middle children in astrology, many people with significant Pluto/Saturn/Uranus in their chart, this includes being ruled(MC & ASC), having it as a dominant planet, placed within the 1H, or aspecting Sun/Moon/Asc–tend to be protected like crazy. They tend to go through a lot of inner struggle and tend to constantly have something to work on, it’s like once they’re done with one lesson they’re given another. It’s like being stuck with chores all day and you’re finally done with your last one and once you’re about to step outside or go to your room to lay down, their parents call them and ask them to do something else and the cycle goes on lol. These individuals are resilient and are hardworking, they’re unique and nothing generally gets past them, you fuck with them, you’re fucking with their team as well, and best believe the universe is ready to dish back what you sent in tenfold; this even applies to the individual, but they rarely fuck up cause they know how it can get everytime. Gifted with power, control and drive, these individuals are goal-oriented, they don’t let anything get in their way and if there is even a slight indication of a distraction about to occur, they shut it down real quick. I like this.

Saturn in Angular Houses (1H, 4H, 7H, 10H) and HM: 5H.

Saturn in these houses are hard hitting. Cracking my knuckles because I’m about to go IN. I will state the

To start, Saturn in the 1H, these individuals are constantly met with lessons that have to do with their identity, they will be put in situations where they are physically limited and their identity is limited/restricted, these people will obsess over themselves and hold themselves to a high standard. However, even through this, these individuals not only directly have karma on their side, but they are ultimately gifted with a deep knowing of self, they build their identity and it is a literal weapon to anyone who brings murky intentions into their world, simply because of how resilient they are and how much they worked through restriction in the past.

For Saturn in the 4H, they may have had issues that involved restriction with their family, this is heavy because they sat through that for their entire lives, up to 18 and possibly even further than that. These individuals weren’t able to make a house a home or generally find a proper home. In their older years, they work with this energy to make a place for themselves and others, they have the power of compassion and comfort.

For Saturn in the 7H & 5H, these individuals are known to have tough luck in love, relationships are rare and if they have many relationships, they are often restrictive and unsatisfactory. They may struggle additionally with their sense of worth and bear a false outlook on love. However, in some moments in their younger years and in their older years, they possess deep knowledge on love, they seem to take it seriously and their love is rich, they are gifted with deep compassion and the ability to be long term with other people. They have unforgettable love, and they are typically unforgettable people as a whole.

Lastly for Saturn 10H, these people could feel restricted career wise, they may feel that they’re always being attacked in their reputation and are held from their true potential, however, they actually overextend themselves more than what they were meant, they can influence and hold a lot of power.

These can also be applied to Pluto as well, with more of a transformative foundation, however, Saturn and Pluto tend to be both extremely transformative planets.

Chiron in Succedent Houses (2H, 5H, 8H, 11H)

These placements tend to fit in a similar category, they are often scarred with themes that are prioritized in life; Money, Fun, Transformation and Community. They tend to see others experience joy and balance within these themes however, they find that this is the source of their trauma and unhealthy codependency that they desire to break away from. Ultimately, these individuals are gifted with strength and influence, they are creative, influential and open-minded when conflicts are properly addressed.

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In this post, I went into depth on placements that have more power than what is spoken about them; however, the dark tends to hold more truth about the light than the light does of itself. The placements listed are powerful and resilient, gifted with all sorts of things, and if you believe that something in your chart is insignificant, understand that astrology is a tool to access potential, it can hint at traits but it is not a concrete definition because there are other calculations that exist and have existed even beyond Traditional Western astrology. Next part will be on aspects, thank you for reading.

- J🧡

[chxrrysangel]

Conflict of Interest

Pairing | Plug!Choso x fem!reader

Words | schmedium

Summary | Choso never quite does his intended job when you meet. Special treatment is what they call it, not that he’d outright admit to it. One day, you request his services outside of your normal routine. And things get, well, complicated.

Tags | 🍃, hotboxing, car sex, dub con (both parties are under the influence), overstimulation, kinda dom! Choso, no protection, praise kink, no use of y/n, overstimulation, creampie

Notes | I’ve had this in my drafts for so fucking long that I was getting sick and tired of going back to it instead of just posting. Overthinking is an understatement. (I’ll probably end up editing it again later)

You called up Choso a week early, stressed out of your fucking mind. It seemed like any problem the universe could throw at you, it did. You watched with anxious fingers tapping against the steering wheel as his deep blue car rolled into the empty parking lot. An abandoned mall is easily the best place for your exchanges, you both liked it that way.

He had his hair down today, catching you off guard for a moment. It’s not the first time he’s done it, but the stark contrast to his usual hairstyle was always surprising.

“Miss me?”, he asked with a smile as he closed the distance. You scoff and chuckle.

“I miss what’s in your bag. You’re not that special Kamo.”

“Oh but I am. We both know it.” He didn’t mention the break in routine, knowing it was probably something personal. You didn’t share much with one another, choosing the “basically strangers” dynamic to be a smarter option. But that doesn’t mean you didn’t break the agreement every once in a while. Even as he stands before the hood of your Jeep Grand Cherokee, your eyes can’t help but glance down at his playful smile when he talks or the movement of his fingers while he rolls. Your breath caught in your throat as he brought the paper to his lips, tongue flattening against its edge. Brown eyes glinted with mischief as they made contact with yours, a hum of satisfaction leaving his lips at catching you in the act. God if the earth could just open up and swallow me, that’d be great.

“Wanna smoke with me today?” You snapped out of your daze of distractions at the question, disbelief washing over your features.

“Really?” The large man shrugged, in a why not kind of way. How could you say no?

~~

Choso could taste the berry in your gloss as his lips wrapped around the blunt, inhaling the strain and feeling his chest grow warmer. It hadn’t been long, but the windows of Choso’s car had already begun to fog, despite the cracked windows.

That’s how you two spent the next hour, sharing two blunts and chatting together as your high began to wash over.

“Fuck, that’s strong.”

“Isn’t it?,” you softly whisper, head lolling towards him.

The two of you talk about anything and everything, minds expanding to limits you hadn’t even realized existed. Somehow the conversation drifted to the more personal aspects of your lives, such as your romantic lives.

“You’ve got a boyfriend?,” Choso whispered across the dash. You shook your head, waiting for his next question.

“Girlfriend?”

“If I didn’t know any better Kamo, I’d think you wanna date me.”

“God you fucking wish. Just curious.” Sometimes, you did wish. Not that he could ever know that.

“What about you, smartass. Dating anyone?”

“Nah, don’t have time for that.”

The car developed into a comfortable silence, neither of you feeling eagering to speak. It was like this with Choso, always has been. He understood the need for shutting up sometimes, no unnecessary pressure to converse.

“I think I need a haircut.” His random outburst prompted a barking laugh, caught off guard by the irrelevancy.

“I’m serious. It’s getting too long.” You looked over at him,pouting. You liked his hair, in fact you loved it. When he hung his head, the layers encased his face like a halo. It was the perfect haircut, not that you could really say so. Any allusion to your thoughts could ruin everything. So you settle for something simple.

“I like your hair.”

“Yeah?, he questions with a head tilt. You murmured a hum of agreement, leaning over the console to put a hand towards his face.

“I think your bangs could use a little trim though,” you remarked with a ruffle of his hair. You began to pull away a few seconds too late, eyes settling on his features and feeling yourself get too caught up. Choso’s eyes caught yours, grabbing your wrist to keep you close.

“Willing to cut it for me?” His eyes flickered across your features, analyzing them with an intensity you’ve never seen in him before. It was unnerving.

You nodded, swallowing a large gulp of nerves.

You sat outstretched over the console, not making any attempt to sit back properly on your side. He broke the silence before you could consider a regrettable choice, going on about munchies and making you laugh. That comment is what led to your current argument on the best type of cake as you unwrapped a cupcake in your hands.

“It’s very easily vanilla,” he argued, “it’s the most versatile option.” You scoff mid-bite.

“Didn’t know you were so boring, Kamo.” He looked offended at your comment, putting a hand on his chest like it hurt.

“Oh yeah? What’s your favorite then?”

“Red velvet. Hence why all of them are on my side of the tray.”

“You think you’re so special, picking red velvet over all the other options,” he teased.

“I know I’m special,” you mocked. Something shifted in the air when you said that, Choso growing quiet with no comeback prepared. The tension was so thick, you could cut it with a knife.

“You uh…you got something,” he whispered distractedly while leaning in. His thumb wiped at the corner of your mouth, dark eyes staring into yours. You watched as time slowed, his thumb reaching up to his lips and sucking.

“Frosting.” The two of you just stared at one another, high out of your minds and scared to breathe. Instinctively, you glance at his blush lips, not even remotely afraid that he would notice. His tongue darted out between the folds, covering the surface in spit and you nearly moaned.

“Fuck me,” you whispered to yourself, almost in pain.

He leans farther over the center console, putting a hand on your neck. Nothing was said as you stared into his eyes, bouncing back and forth between his irises as he wrestled with his thoughts. You leaned in , the gap between your lips just barely a sliver. You could kiss him easily, that much was obvious. But fear made you hesitate, breath fanning across his cheeks in anticipation of the next move.

“Choso,” you whispered in a barely audible tone.

“Don't talk,” he said before making the brave choice.

His lips capture yours, hesitant but curious. It takes a moment to find rhythm but soon you’re moaning softly into his mouth and gripping onto his arm for dear life. Choso was a good kisser, the soft muscle of his tongue bullying its way past your lips as he explored your mouth. He broke the kiss, staring at you with need. His lips were glossy with spit, pupils massive with lust.

“Back seat. Now.” You didn’t need to be told twice.

You watched as he impatiently pushed the seats forward, as far as the mechanism would allow.. He climbed into the backseat, a boyish smile adorning his features that you’ve adored from your first meeting.

“Choso, need you.”

He manhandles your body, grabbing your thighs to guide you into his lap.

Choso pushed your hips down on his crotch, your clit grinding against his rough zipper with earnestness. His plush lips peppered kisses down your neck and collarbone, smiling into your skin at the thought of seeing all this tomorrow. The two of you had crossed the line of friendship and he was quite intent on never going back now he’s gotten a taste. You whimpered, as though on the verge of tears, desperate for relief from the throbbing of your cunt.

“Oh, that’s cute.”

“Shut up. Not funny,” you retorted.

“Whatever you say sweetheart.” He thrust upwards, the outline of his erection rubbing so perfectly against your clit. A pathetically desperate whimper slips out, and he chuckles.

“I know baby, I know.” Choso continues to mark you, his featherlight touch on your skin sending tingles up your spine.

~~~

Had he not pushed his seat back, your ass would be pressing uncomfortably into the leather right now. Choso’s hands engulfed your hips, guiding you on his cock with every thrust. Your skin buzzed with the effects of indica, hot with desire as he fucked your brains out.

“Shit, Cho. So fuckin—ngh—good.” You whined into his neck, trying to muffle your sounds.

A chuckle reverberated through his body, dark with knowing.

“Don’t hide those pretty moans from me, baby. Wanna hear you.”

You leaned back, coming face to face with Choso. He was so pretty like this, a light sheen of sweat making his bangs stick to his skin in a pleasured bliss. Your pussy squeezed around his shaft, making him whine with need.

“Fuck that’s good,” he cried. Watching you bounce was like nothing he’d ever had the pleasure of seeing.

Just then, an idea formed in his mind. Choso angled his hips more upward, hitting your g-spot and pulling a pleasured sob from your lips. He watched with satisfaction as your eyes crossed for a moment, going dumb before his eyes. The glossed out look said everything, too lost in the pleasure to be remotely coherent.

“Feel good, pretty girl?” You could barely whimper out an affirmation, feeling your impending orgasm. You mewled incoherently, a jumble of curses and praise. With a shaking hand, you rubbed your clit as your stomach began to tighten in need for release.

“Right there baby. Fuck don’t stop don’t stop.”

Choso pushed off his own orgasm, wanting to watch you make a mess on his dick first. He grinned, taking in your fucked out state with great pleasure. The little you had shared with each other revealed that your sexual experience with men had been rather disappointing. Your last ex had no clue how to please you, too concerned with his own orgasm to ever worry about yours. He was selfish in that way, as well as many others.

He grabbed your hair, pulling you down in a sloppy kiss. If it wasn’t for how well he fucked, this kiss alone was enough to make your head spin. Your body felt miles away, the combination of the thc and the best fuck of your life making your skin tingle.

Your limbs began to tense, signals of how close you were. Your vision was blurry, teeth searing into your bottom lip with focus.

Choso felt your walls grow tighter, filling his chest with pride. He maintained his pace, pushing harder with each thrust. Your nails dug deep into the hard skin of his shoulders, imprinting moon-shaped marks.

“Close aren’t you?”

“So fucking close baby”. You stumbled over your response, struggling to say every syllable.

With a few more thrusts, your toes curled as you came. The squelching sounds in the car increased tenfold, a sound Choso was eager to revel in. He fucked you through your orgasm, thrusting getting sloppier by the second. His balls tightened, body buzzing as he fucked his cum into you. Before you could say anything, he didn’t stop. His mouth formed into an O, tip extremely sensitive.

“I think I can get one more out of you.”

A statement that felt more like a demand.

You began to shake your head, feeling the creeping discomfort of overstimulation begin to course through your shaking body.

He whispered sweet praises as you squirmed. Your body wasn’t sure of whether to lean into his touch or pull away, confused but pulsing with need. Your cunt choked his shaft, tense as you pushed through the masochistic pain. But soon enough that pain turned into pleasure, attempting to meet his thrusts to chase your orgasm.

He grinned with knowing, cheeky like a cat who got the cream.

“Shut up,” you uttered between gasps. He winked, satisfied with his clear victory. Even during the most intimate moments, he couldn’t help but be his usual annoying self

“Gonna cum Cho.” You whispered into his neck.

“Fuck. Can feel it. Doing so well for me, baby.”

His praise made you squeeze harder around him. Now that he’s had a taste, he’s unsure of how he’ll be able to let you go. Every touch, every look, every smile led up to this moment.

Every muscle in your body tenses as you cum, ears ringing as Choso praises you. His thumb rubs your clit in firm circles, the pleasure making your walls spasm around his sensitive cock.

“That’s it baby, doing so fucking good.” Choso slurred his words, head sensitive as he continued to fuck you through your orgasm. The base of his spine tingled, pushing him back towards the edge again. He blabbered incoherently as you came down, mumbling about how good your pussy is.

His hips stilled as he shot white ropes into you, filling your cunt with his warm seed. Your tired quick breaths as you gasped for air quickly faded into light laughter as you watched each other come down. Choso smiled lazily, dazed and completely out of it. With a delicate hand, he pushed some of your hair out of your face before pulling you in for another kiss. This one was much softer, gentle and unrushed. Romantic even.

“We just made things really complicated, didn’t we?,” you question against his lips. He didn’t answer really, murmuring in disagreement as he deepened the kiss.

“Choso! I’m serious”.

“So am I.”

[levisolace]

[6] Expendable Hearts (Levi x F!Reader)

Chapter 6: Busy Nights

WC: 6664 Chapter Warnings: just angst again Summary: Everyone in Levi's life knows he only ever dated one girl and that she left him wrecked, bitter, and heartbroken. Many years later, she's back in his life and he doesn't know what to do. Note: Levi POV in this chapter !! ^^ Oh, and unfortunately, there will probably no update until after the 17th of October. I have uni exams and my study schedule is clashing with work so I probably won't time have time to write until then. See you until then! (We're gonna get more angsty and a little steamy(?) when I come back, I promise.) check out the expandable hearts playlist here!

story masterlist | prev chapter > next chapter

Over the next few days, you found yourself checking your phone more than usual, a small flicker of anticipation stirring each time you saw a new message. On Wednesday afternoon, Kuchel finally texted you the details of the dinner, and to your surprise, it wasn’t at the restaurant.

Would dinner at my place this Thursday be good? 7PM. Just us. Don’t bring anything—just yourself. See you then. —Kuchel

You stared at the message for a moment, blinking. Kuchel’s home? You hadn’t expected something so personal, but it made sense. After all, this wasn’t just any casual dinner. It was a reunion, an intimate moment to reconnect outside the hustle and noise of her now-bustling restaurant.

A mix of emotions bubbled up as you responded with a quick response.

Sounds perfect. I’ll be there.

As the dinner date drew closer, you found yourself thinking about Kuchel more than you expected. Memories from the time you worked at her small, then unassuming restaurant resurfaced—late nights closing up, chats over coffee while you helped her organize orders, Levi’s rare moments of humor in between his sharp instructions. It all seemed so distant now, like a chapter of your life that belonged to someone else.

A couple of minutes after confirming the dinner with Kuchel, another message buzzed on your phone, pulling you from the stack of legal documents you’d been reviewing. You glanced at the screen and saw Hange’s name pop up and you remember she has been pestering you about her bachelorette party. She kept sending the same message everyday for the past week.

Heyyy! Guess what? You’re invited to my bachelorette party! 🎉🎉 It’s going to be WILD. Be there, or I’ll hunt you down!! This Saturday at 8 PM. The details are attached here. Can’t wait to see you!!

You couldn’t help but laugh, shaking your head as you read the message. Hange hadn’t changed one bit. She always had this vibrant energy that could light up any room, and apparently, she was bringing that energy to her bachelorette party. The thought of attending the event tugged at something inside you—an old camaraderie, a time when things were simpler, messier, but undeniably fun.

The idea of being surrounded by familiar faces again—of slipping back into that old rhythm—both excited and unsettled you. But Hange’s invitation was impossible to refuse. She had a way of pulling people into her orbit, and you knew this wouldn’t be any ordinary night. Besides, Levi won’t be there anyway.

As the day unfolded, the prospect of Kuchel’s dinner and Hange’s bachelorette party loomed closer, each event pulling you back into the life you once had here. It felt as though the city, with all its memories and relationships, was welcoming you back in layers—one familiar face at a time. And you don’t even know if you deserved it. 

—

When the evening finally arrived, you made your way to Kuchel’s home, which was tucked into a quiet neighborhood just a few blocks away from the restaurant. The walk there felt almost surreal, the streets of Stohess now familiar yet filled with memories. When you arrived, you found the house just as warm and inviting as the woman who owned it.

Kuchel’s home was modest, but there was a charm to it—plants lining the windowsills, warm lights glowing from inside, and the faint scent of cooking wafting out the front door. You took a deep breath and knocked.

The door swung open almost immediately, and there she was, smiling as though no time had passed at all.

“You made it,” Kuchel said, her voice bright as she stepped aside to let you in. “Come on in, the food’s almost ready.”

You stepped inside, taking in the cozy, lived-in feel of the space. Photos lined the walls, some of Levi as a boy, and others of what seemed to be old family gatherings. The warmth of the place wrapped around you, instantly putting you at ease.

“I haven’t been here in so long,” you said softly, looking around.

Kuchel smiled as she led you into the kitchen, where a simple but delicious-smelling meal was simmering on the stove. “I figured it’d be nice to have dinner somewhere quiet. We can talk without the restaurant noise, and besides, I’ve been meaning to catch up with you for a long time.”

As you took a seat at her kitchen table, Kuchel poured you a glass of wine, her movements graceful and familiar. “It’s been too long. You’ve done so much since you left, and I want to hear everything.”

You smiled, settling into the moment. “There’s a lot to catch up on,” you admitted. “But I want to hear about you, too. Kuchel’s has grown so much—I couldn’t believe it when I saw how busy it was the other night.”

Kuchel laughed softly as she joined you at the table. “Levi deserves most of the credit for that. He’s been the driving force behind the expansion. I never imagined we’d get this far, honestly. But enough about work—for tonight, let’s treat each other like the old times.” 

You took a sip of your wine, feeling the warmth of the room and the comfort of Kuchel’s presence sink in. “It’s been a whirlwind,” you began, knowing that this evening would be one of reconnection, not just with Kuchel, but with the parts of yourself that you’d left behind when you moved away. You began to tell her what happened like how you tell it to everyone, how you left the city, moved your grandma, went to law school, how your grandma died, and how you began to work in Trost. 

And as the night unfolded, with laughter and stories shared over a lovingly prepared meal, you realized how much you had missed this—missed her, and the sense of home that Kuchel had always provided.

As the dinner with Kuchel neared its end, the conversation had drifted from light-hearted reminiscing to more personal territory. You both shared a bottle of wine, laughter mixing with memories, but there was a point where the ease of the evening gave way to something deeper. Kuchel, always observant, seemed to notice the way your smiles didn’t quite reach your eyes, the way you hesitated before answering certain questions.

She set her glass down, her expression softening as the last bit of warmth from the meal filled the quiet space between you. “I’m really glad you’re back,” she said, her voice gentle but with an edge of seriousness. “You were with someone else when I first saw you but it’s been plaguing my mind so I came to ask you to meet me. I’m sorry, dear… I have to ask, how are you really doing?”

You looked down at your plate for a moment, the weight of the question settling in. Kuchel had always been able to read you, even when you didn’t want to be read. She wasn’t one for surface-level small talk—not with you.

“I’m fine,” you started, instinctively offering the answer you’d given everyone else. But Kuchel’s eyes didn’t waver, and the sincerity of her gaze made you pause. She wasn’t letting you get away with that.

She leaned forward slightly, resting her elbows on the table, her voice a little softer now. “I know it’s been a long time, and I don’t expect you to spill everything right now… but I can see it. You’ve been through something. So, how have you really been?”

The words hung in the air, and for the first time all night, you felt exposed. You hadn’t planned on opening up—not tonight, maybe not ever—but something about Kuchel’s quiet persistence, her maternal presence, made you feel safe enough to let the guard down.

“You know—and don’t tell Levi I told you this but… when the breakup happened, Levi didn’t take it well. And I never got to talk to you about it. But if Levi experienced that… it was probably bad for you too, wasn’t it?” She reached for your hand across the table, placing a comforting hand on yours, and caressing it with care and love of a mother. 

It took all of you to control your emotions right there and then. For Kuchel to say this, the curiosity of what Levi endured during those times that you broke things off and what happened to everyone after you left only became stronger, accompanied with greater guilt that you have always been carrying. You look away and take a deep breath, setting your own glass aside. “I… it was hard for me too, I admit.”

Kuchel nodded, not interrupting, just listening in that patient way of hers. It encouraged you to continue.

“When I left, it was all I could think of doing. But it feels like I just ran. Away from here, from everything. And now that I’m back, it’s like… all of it is catching up to me, and I don’t know what to do with it.”

You hadn’t meant to be so honest, but once the words started spilling out, it was hard to stop. Kuchel listened intently, her eyes filled with understanding, but she didn’t say anything right away.

“I knew there was more under the surface,” she said softly. “You’ve always been strong, but sometimes it’s okay to stop carrying it all alone. I can see it’s hard to tell what really happened and I—we can wait. There’s still people that love you here. You can find your way back to them.”

Her words hit deeper than you expected, and for the first time in a while, you felt a small sense of relief—a release of the tension you hadn’t even realized you’d been holding. It was comforting, having someone like Kuchel, who knew you before the layers of adulthood and responsibility piled on.

“Thanks,” you whispered, your voice barely above a murmur. “I guess I just needed to hear that.”

Kuchel smiled warmly, giving your hand a gentle squeeze. “You don’t have to have it all figured out right now. But don’t keep it bottled up either. You’ve got people here who care, people who are still part of your life—whether it’s me, or Hange, or whoever else. Don’t be a stranger.”

You nodded, feeling the sincerity in her words settle over you like a warm blanket. There was something about the way she said it that made you believe it.

The evening ended on a note of quiet understanding, Kuchel walking you to the door with a promise to see each other again soon. As you stepped out into the night, the weight on your shoulders felt just a little lighter, knowing that at least here, in this corner of your past, you had someone who understood—someone who saw through the cracks and cared enough to reach out.

—

After saying your goodbyes to Kuchel and leaving her cozy home, the cool night air greeted you as you stepped out of the cab in front of your apartment. The streets were quiet, only the occasional flicker of distant headlights passing by, the buzz from your dinner still lingering in your mind. Kuchel's words played over and over in your head—her gentle insistence that you didn’t have to carry everything alone. You felt lighter, as if some invisible weight had been lifted, but also heavy with the realization that coming back to the city meant dealing with more than just the people from your past. It meant facing the reality that this is the present–your current situation, something you can no longer run away from. 

As you rounded the corner of your street, something caught your eye—a familiar silhouette, leaning casually against the building. At first, you thought you were imagining it, the streetlights casting long shadows that distorted the figure. But as you approached, the figure became clearer, the unmistakable stance of someone you hadn't expected to see, but somehow weren’t surprised by.

Levi.

He stood there, hands shoved into his jacket pockets, his expression as unreadable as ever, but there was a tension in his posture that told you this wasn’t just a casual visit. His dark eyes flicked up as you approached, locking onto yours with the same intensity you remembered. For a moment, neither of you spoke, the silence between you heavy with unspoken words.

“What are you doing here?” you finally asked, your voice quieter than you intended, but firm enough to mask the sudden rush of emotions swirling inside you.

Levi pushed off from the wall, standing straighter as he took a few slow steps toward you. 

"How was the dinner?" he asked, the words falling out more out of habit than genuine curiosity. He didn't need to know about the dinner, not really. He just needed to say something.

“You knew?” You blinked, surprised that he even knew about it. Then you remembered, of course—Levi was always aware of things, especially when it came to Kuchel. He probably knew you'd be seeing her tonight even if she didn’t tell him. 

"It was nice," you said, carefully, as if you were trying not to give too much away. "Kuchel’s doing well."

Levi nodded, his gaze shifting for a second, as though considering whether to say something more. But instead, he settled on something simple. "Good."

Another silence stretched between you, longer this time. It was clear he wasn’t going to explain why he’d really come. Maybe you didn’t need to ask—maybe it didn’t matter. But the tension between you felt thick, almost suffocating. The years apart hadn’t erased anything. You can still feel the immeasurable amount of love he has for his mother. In honesty, you’d expected him to be angry that you reconnected with Kuchel. But of course, this was Levi. If it’s mother’s happiness or want, he would never question or fault her for it. 

Levi nodded, staring down at the ground for a beat, shoving his hands back into his jacket pockets. There was no reason for him to stay, but he lingered, shifting his weight from one foot to the other. The streets were quiet, save for the distant hum of the city around you both.

"You didn’t have to come all the way out here," you said, breaking the silence, your voice soft but carrying a note of hesitation. You didn’t ask him outright why he was there, but it was implied.

Levi shrugged, his eyes meeting yours briefly before drifting off again. "Maybe I did."

You swallowed, not sure how to respond to that. For all of Levi’s usual bluntness, there was always something deeper that he never quite let show. Something that made it impossible to fully walk away from him, even when you thought you had. 

“Get some rest,” Levi said after a moment, his voice quieter now, almost softer. “You look awful.”

He gave you a curt nod and turned to walk away, leaving you standing there, feeling like something had just shifted between you. Something unspoken, unresolved, and maybe destined to remain that way.  

—

The night of Hange’s bachelorette party arrived with the kind of energy that made the air feel electric. You stood outside the venue, a trendy rooftop bar in the heart of the city, the neon lights of Stohess Street reflected in the glass walls behind you. The place had been transformed—streamers, lights, and enough champagne to fill a small pool. You took a deep breath before stepping inside, knowing that wherever Hange was, chaos was sure to follow.

As you entered, you were immediately hit by a wave of laughter, music, and the unmistakable sound of Hange’s voice ringing out over the crowd. The space was filled with friends, both familiar faces and new ones, all gathered to celebrate. You spotted her almost immediately—Hange was at the center of the room, a crown of flowers on her head and a glass of champagne in hand, already in full party mode.

“There she is!” Hange’s voice rang out as she spotted you from across the room, her face lighting up as she waved you over. She was wearing a sash that read “Bride-to-Be” in glittering letters, and her energy was contagious. “I thought you’d never make it! Come here!”

You smiled, weaving through the crowd of partygoers to reach her. Before you could say a word, Hange pulled you into a tight hug, nearly spilling her champagne in the process.

“I told you it’d be wild!” she laughed, stepping back to take you in. “Look at you! You clean up well.”

“Thanks, Hange,” you said, unable to help but smile at her infectious enthusiasm. “This is… a lot.”

“Only the best for my bachelorette!” she declared, spinning around to show off the venue. “We’ve got drinks, food, and games—oh, and don’t forget the karaoke later.”

You raised an eyebrow. “Karaoke?”

Hange grinned wickedly. “Oh yeah, it’s happening. And you will sing, my friend.”

Before you could protest, Nanaba appeared beside you, already holding a glass of champagne for you. “She’s not kidding about the karaoke. Start thinking of your song now,” she teased, handing you the glass. “Long time no see, girl.”

You took it, laughing softly. “Oh my god, Nanaba,” you greet her with a hug. She hugs you back.

Everyone began to greet you. Out of all the attendees, you only knew Nanaba who thankfully treated you kindly like it hasn’t been years since you’ve last seen each other. Tonight, it will all be about Hange, that’s what she said. 

The party was in full swing, with drinks flowing and people chatting in every corner. You settled into the crowd, reminiscing about college days with Nanaba and meeting new girls, but the chaotic energy of the evening was starting to grow on you. Every time you glanced at Hange, she was in the middle of some new adventure—whether it was a game, making an impromptu speech, or trying to rope someone into a dance-off.

As the night went on, you found yourself at the bar, taking a moment to breathe. That’s when Hange sidled up beside you, a mischievous glint in her eye. “So,” she started, leaning on the bar, “I heard you and Levi ran into each other recently.”

You froze for a second, surprised she’d brought it up. Of course, Hange would know. “Yeah… he returned something I forgot in his car,” you replied, trying to sound nonchalant.

Hange raised an eyebrow, clearly not buying your casual tone. “Oh, just a handkerchief? Interesting.”

You gave her a look. “It was nothing. We barely talked.” While we were having dinner, that is, you thought. 

“Sure,” she said with a teasing grin. “Well, just so you know, I mixed that drink myself.”

You stared at her, caught off guard. “Of course you did.”

She laughed, clearly enjoying your reaction. “What? It’s my party! I want everyone to have fun. Besides, it’ll be fun for everyone to let loose. Don’t worry, it’s not as dangerous as the ones I made from college. I’ve practiced a lot over the years.”

You rolled your eyes but couldn’t help the small smile tugging at the corner of your lips. Hange always had a way of stirring the pot, even when she didn’t mean to. Before you could respond, she was pulled away by a group of friends, leaving you to your thoughts for a moment.

The night wore on, and as promised, karaoke eventually took over the party. You found yourself dragged into a group rendition of some 90s throwback song, with Hange leading the charge and everyone laughing so hard they could barely keep up with the lyrics. It was chaotic, messy, and exactly what you’d expected from a night like this.

As you looked around at the familiar faces, the laughter, and the whirlwind energy of the party, you felt a strange sense of belonging—a feeling you hadn’t realized you’d missed until now. It was like stepping back into a part of yourself you’d left behind, and for the first time in a while, you felt like maybe it wasn’t such a bad thing to be back. Or maybe that was the alcohol in your system. You feel like you’re about to crash out soon. 

The party didn’t start winding down until the early hours of the morning, when even Hange began to show signs of exhaustion. You were one of the last to leave, standing on the rooftop as the city stretched out beneath you, barely alive with the hum of nightlife. The reason you didn’t leave yet is because your alcohol tolerance betrayed you. You fear that if you go home alone, you’d pass out on the street and wake up god knows where.

Hange caught up to you once more as you stood, leaning on the tall railings. “Hey,” she said, her tone more serious now, though still light. “Thanks for coming. It means a lot to me, you know? Having you back here.”

You smiled, feeling the sincerity in her words. “I wouldn’t have missed it.”

“Good,” she said, giving you a lopsided grin before pulling you into one last hug. “Now get home and sleep. We’ve got more partying to do at the wedding.” 

“Actually, can you grab me a cab? I don’t think I can book a ride on my phone at my state.” Your words are slurring off with a soft laugh as you talk, trying to pull out your phone out of your pocket only to find it empty. “Oh, other pocket,” you murmured incoherently as you finally had your phone in your hand.

You look up to already see Hange grinning at you, her cheeks flushed with the excitement of the night. “Oh, don’t worry about that,” she said, waving her hand dismissively. “Already taken care of.”

You furrowed your brow, confused. “What do you mean?”

Hange gave you a look that was somewhere between mischievous and knowing, her eyes twinkling with that signature glint she always got when she knew she was meddling in something. “I called someone to pick you up.” 

Your stomach dropped, and a sense of foreboding crept into your drunken haze. “Who?” you asked, dreading the answer. 

“For fuck’s sake, Hange.” 

For one good second, you sobered up, chills filling your entire body when you heard his voice. You look in his direction, already walking up to the two of you. He’s wearing a black jacket and jeans, his hair a little tousled by the windy air of the rooftop. 

“I thought you’d know better than drinking Hange’s mix,” he directly spoke to you now, arms crossed in disappointment. Him standing in front of you hit you like a splash of cold water. You blinked a few times, as if you don’t believe what you’re seeing in front of you. 

“Levi? You called Levi?” is what you would’ve said if you could even make some words out of your drunken mouth. You let out a long sigh, feeling the weight of the situation settle in your already tipsy mind. The way Levi is seeing you right now—drunk, disoriented, and in this state—is too humiliating, but it was too late to argue. Hange had made her decision without consulting you, and there was no undoing it now, with him already standing in front of you.

Hange laughed, patting you on the back. “Welp, here’s your designated driver. Moblit’s on his way to fetch me so you two go on ahead.”

With that, Hange left the two of you alone by the railings. The two of you stood there in silence. The long-sleeved shirt you wore does nothing for the chilly night, you wrap your arms tightly around yourself as the cold night air sobered you up just enough to feel the awkwardness building. Your heart pounded in your chest as you leaned on the railing, trying to steady yourself.

He approached you closer, his usual unreadable expression giving nothing away. “You good to go, or do I need to carry you to the car?” he asked, his voice dry but not unkind.

You blinked, trying to pull yourself together, but you could still feel the alcohol buzzing in your system. “I can walk,” you muttered, feeling heat rise in your cheeks despite the cool air.

Levi’s lips twitched ever so slightly at your response, a ghost of a smirk playing at the corner of his mouth. “Sure you can.”

You huff, trying to walk away from him. You swayed slightly on your feet, your mind racing with a mixture of embarrassment and dread as you head to the elevator. Levi followed closely behind you. Whenever you feel like you’re about to lose your stance, you’d feel a slight graze of a hand on your back. He never touches you. But you’re awfully aware of his presence behind you. 

The two of you waited in front of the elevator in silence. You don’t look at Levi. You feel like your face is going to be redder than it already is if you look at his handsome face. And what was he wearing? Did he go somewhere? Why does he look like that? It’s so unfair. He’s so hot. The all black fit always hits you differently, the alcohol is not helping either. 

Just as the elevator doors open, something draped on your shoulders. Levi’s jacket. “Wear it. You look like you’re gonna freeze to death.” 

As the two of you go in, due to actually feeling like you’re going to freeze to death, you don’t complain and wear his jacket. The smell of his cologne fills your nose and you bury yourself in the warmth of it. 

"You look like you’ve had a rough night," he said, his voice flat but with a hint of dry amusement.

You huffed out a breath, leaning your elbows on the railing again. “It wasn’t supposed to end with you showing up.” You paused for a moment. “Thanks for coming… but you didn’t have to. I could’ve called a cab.”

Levi shrugged, glancing over at the view of the city in front of you. “You were drunk, and she called me. Simple as that.”

You sighed, realizing there was no point in arguing with him. “Yeah, I guess.”

He glanced at you, taking in the way you leaned a little too heavily against the wall, the faint pink flush on your cheeks. As the two of you stood there, the awkward silence between you grew. It wasn’t uncomfortable, but there was an underlying tension—one that neither of you wanted to acknowledge.

You made it to the lobby  and then outside of the building, the cool air of the outside world hitting you like a fresh wave of another cold. Levi led the way to his car parked just outside, and you hesitated for a moment, feeling a strange mix of gratitude and reluctance.

When you reached the car, Levi opened the passenger door for you, motioning for you to get in. You do as he says, slipping into the passenger seat.  The ride was quiet, the hum of the engine the only sound between you as he drove through the city streets, which had quieted down in the late hours. You stared out the window, watching the lights of the buildings blur as you passed by. 

Levi finally broke the silence, his voice soft but steady. “Hange said you were having fun tonight.”

You let out a small laugh, still feeling the god-awful drink swirling in your veins. “Yeah, I was… surprisingly”

He glanced at you briefly. “Parties weren't really your thing.”

“Neither are late-night rescues,” you replied, shooting him a half-smile.

Levi’s lips twitched, the closest thing to a smile you’d seen from him all night. “Could’ve fooled me.”

The rest of the ride passed in comfortable silence, the weight of the night settling over you as your eyelids grew heavy. The rhythmic hum of the car and the gentle motion of the drive lulled you into a deeper state of relaxation. The alcohol in your system had finally caught up with you, and despite your best efforts to stay awake, your eyes grew heavier with each passing minute. You leaned your head against the cool window, the blur of city lights fading as your consciousness began to slip.

You barely registered Levi glancing over at you from the driver's seat. His expression, ever unreadable, softened slightly as he noticed your slow, even breathing. He kept driving for a few more minutes, but when he pulled up in front of your apartment building and turned off the engine, you didn’t stir.

—

Levi sat there for a moment, staring at you, your body curled up in the passenger seat, completely oblivious to the world around you. The faint rise and fall of your chest was the only sound in the quiet of the car. He let out a small sigh, looking around the area of your building as he considered his options. There were still some people outside in the streets. The underground never slept, filled with drunktards and no-good doers. 

After a moment of hesitation, Levi made his decision. Getting you inside your apartment, trying to find your keys, and getting you up the steep and unpaved stairs—all of it seemed like too much for someone in your condition. 

Without another word, Levi drove off your apartment and to his own home where you’ll be more comfortable. After he parked his car, Levi got out of the car and came around to your side. He opened the passenger door quietly and leaned down, carefully sliding one arm beneath your legs and the other around your back. You stirred slightly as he lifted you, your head resting against his chest as he effortlessly carried you out of the car. The smell of alcohol fills his nose but it didn’t bother him one bit.  His movements were slow and deliberate, making sure not to wake you as he adjusted your weight in his arms. 

You murmured something incoherent, your head shifting slightly as you nestled closer against him. Levi froze for a second, his gaze flickering down to you, but when you didn’t wake, he continued walking toward his building.

Once inside, Levi carried you up the stairs to his apartment. It was quiet and dark, the only light coming from the street lamps outside. He shifted you gently in his arms to open the door, then stepped inside, closing it behind him with a soft click. He made his way through the familiar space, heading toward his bedroom.

Levi laid you down carefully on his bed, pulling back the covers as he positioned you comfortably on the mattress. You stirred again, this time more aware, your eyes fluttering open briefly as you tried to figure out where you were. Your vision was blurry, your mind still fogged with sleep and alcohol, but you recognized the familiar scent of Levi’s apartment. 

"Levi?" you mumbled, your voice hoarse with sleep.

He was already adjusting the blanket over you, making sure you were covered and comfortable. “Yeah, it’s me,” he said quietly, his voice unusually soft. “Go back to sleep.”

You blinked a few times, trying to make sense of the situation, but exhaustion pulled at you like a weight. Your body relaxed into the bed, the warmth of the blankets lulling you back to the edge of unconsciousness. “This isn’t… my place…” you muttered, but even as you said it, your eyes were closing again.

“I know,” Levi replied, stepping back slightly as he watched you. “You fell asleep in the car.”

You didn’t have the energy to argue. Instead, you let out a soft sigh, sinking deeper into the mattress. “Yeah…” you mumbled, your voice barely audible as sleep finally overtook you.

As Levi carefully tucked the blanket around you, making sure you were comfortable, he turned to leave the room. But just as he was about to pull away, he felt a gentle tug on his arm.

In your half-conscious state, your fingers had wrapped around his wrist, holding him in place. He froze, staring down at you, his heartbeat quickening unexpectedly. Your eyes were still closed, your breathing slow and steady, but your grip was firm—gentle, yet desperate, as though some part of you, even in sleep, didn’t want him to leave.

“Stay… please…” you whispered, your voice barely audible but enough to make Levi’s breath catch.

He wasn’t sure if you were dreaming or fully aware of what you were saying, but the soft plea reached him. You shifted slightly, your hand sliding up his arm as you pulled him closer, nestling into the blankets. “hold me…” you murmured, the vulnerability in your voice tugging at something deep inside him.

Levi’s body went rigid, his mind torn between his instinct to distance himself and the raw emotion in your voice. He had never been good with moments like this—moments that demanded more than what he was used to offering. But the way you clung to him, even unconsciously, made it difficult to simply pull away. It reminded him of old, easier times. 

With a quiet sigh, Levi gave in. He gently sat down on the edge of the bed, careful not to disturb you too much. His movements were slow, uncertain, but deliberate. He stretched out beside you, keeping a small distance at first, though your hand never let go of him.

As you sensed his presence closer, you relaxed, instinctively shifting so that your head rested lightly against his chest. The tension in your body melted as you let out a soft, contented sigh, your hand still gripping his shirt as if afraid he might disappear.

Levi lay there, still and silent, staring up at the ceiling, his heart beating faster than usual. He didn’t know what to do with his free arm, but eventually, he let it settle around your shoulder, holding you with a gentleness that surprised even him. The scent of your hair and the warmth of your body against his was oddly calming, despite the whirlwind of thoughts swirling in his mind.

The room was quiet, save for your slow, steady breathing. Levi glanced down at you, watching the peaceful expression on your face, the way your brow had unfurled and your lips parted slightly in sleep. You looked vulnerable, and yet completely at ease.

For a brief moment, Levi allowed himself to relax, too. He wasn’t sure what this meant—this sudden closeness but as you snuggled into him, your body warm against his, he let himself be present in the moment.

Just for tonight, he told himself. Just for now.

As the minutes passed, Levi found himself unable to tear his gaze away from you. Your face was serene in sleep, the tension from the day and the alcohol completely dissolved. He hadn't seen you like this in a long time—peaceful, unguarded. There was something deeply comforting in watching you like this, something that stirred memories he had long buried. Only now was he able to stare at your face without fearing he’d crumble in front of you. The darkness under your eyes tells everyone that you’re tired but the years have painted a maturity in your face that didn’t take away your beauty. 

His eyes traced the familiar lines of your features—the way your lashes rested softly on your cheeks, the subtle rise and fall of your chest as you breathed. The room was quiet, save for the faint sound of your breathing, and Levi’s thoughts seemed to drift along with it. He wasn’t one to dwell on the past, but here, beside you, he couldn’t help but think of everything that had happened between you two—what you had been, what you could have been.

He wasn’t sure when it happened, but a deep, unspoken longing began to rise in his chest, a feeling he had been trying to ignore ever since the night he had shown up outside your apartment without a reason. The closeness of you, the way you had unconsciously reached for him, pulled at something deep inside him.

His gaze softened, lingering on your parted lips, the way your hair spilled across the pillow, framing your face. Slowly, as if drawn by some invisible force, he found himself leaning in closer. His heart began to pound louder, an unfamiliar rush of emotions building within him, making his movements feel almost inevitable.

He told himself to stop, to pull back before he crossed a line. But as his face hovered just inches above yours, he was overwhelmed by the quiet intimacy of the moment. The warmth of your breath brushed against his skin, and his pulse quickened. You were so close, and for a brief moment, he allowed himself to imagine what it would feel like—to close that final distance, to press his lips against yours once again. 

He hesitated, his breath hitching as his eyes traced your sleeping face. You looked so peaceful, so trusting, curled up against him. And yet, in that moment, the weight of what was unsaid between you—the unresolved tension, the memories, the regrets—hung in the air. 

Levi’s hand, which had been resting lightly on your shoulder, twitched as he fought the urge to touch you, to run his fingers through your hair, to let his guard down completely. But just as he was about to give in to the moment, he stopped himself.

A faint sigh escaped him as he pulled back, his forehead creasing with conflict. He couldn’t do it—not like this. Not while you were asleep and unaware. It wouldn’t be fair to you, and he knew better than to act on fleeting impulses, no matter how strong they felt in the moment.

With a deep breath, Levi settled back onto the pillow, keeping his arm around you but maintaining the distance between your faces. He stared up at the ceiling, his mind racing, the weight of the unspoken emotions pressing heavily on his chest.

As you shifted slightly in your sleep, your hand still clutching his shirt, Levi closed his eyes, trying to push away the longing that had nearly overtaken him.

But the truth lingered, no matter how hard he tried to ignore it: after all these years, he had never really let you go. 

He ran a hand through his hair, a mix of concern and something else flickering in his eyes before he carefully stood up from the bed, turned and quietly walked into his bathroom. He got two things, a cleanser and some cotton. 

He walked back to the bed, seeing you sleeping soundly. Gently, he sat down beside you and began to wipe the makeup off your face. He’s careful not to wake you, not applying too much pressure. He’s seen you do this back in college, telling him that makeup should always be removed before bed. If he could change your clothes he would as well. But you looked comfortable enough in his jacket. 

Levi walked back into the living room when he was done, his mind oddly restless despite the quiet of the apartment. He sat down on the couch, staring out the window at the city lights outside, knowing that tonight had been different. He didn’t know why he had brought you here instead of waking you up or why he had come to fetch you in the first place. He didn’t know why he didn’t refuse Hange’s call knowing that you were together. He didn’t know why he even dressed up and ran to your side without question. There were a lot of things he didn’t know and didn’t understand. Most of all, he doesn’t understand how you still have a hold of him like this all over the years you were gone. And to be honest, it angered him but mostly, it scared him. 

But as the minutes passed and the apartment remained still, he figured maybe it didn’t matter. And whatever questions you have, he'll figure it out tomorrow. For now, you were safe. And that was enough.

© levisolace. please do not copy, translate, claim any of my works. my works are cross-posted only on my ao3 account. thank you.

[uchihaharlot]

Hello! I hope you are fine <3🤲💗

I wanted to ask you about some Uchiha HCs as parents (especially Shisui haha). Idk, things like "How they would react if their Y/N told them they were going to be parents" or "How many children would they have if they had them and how would they treat them?"

🥹 mmm Shisui. Yes. 🙌🏻 Since I’m in a fog, I’ll choose Obito and Shisui — I will probably add more later and reblog then. Focusing more on Shisui though.

(I sort of expanded on this a bit. Leading up to birth etc).

Suggestive themes — mostly N/SFW; pregnancy reactions; and some other cute shit idk how to categorize. Ok yea, I went a bit crazy on Shisui, he’s my blorbo.

Obito:

• Even if it’s planned, he’s going to spiral. It worked on the first time? Duh, Uchiha. Really just stupid luck.

• ‘Already?’ — Obito; ‘….I mean…that’s what happens when you have sex..’ — her. She’s so patient though with him.

• Obito will spend the next few days not necessarily moping, but in minor distress. The whole thing about having a baby this soon, even though it was planned. Has really got him thinking.

• ‘I need to get my shit together.’ He’s not wrong, but they’re not in a bad place. All the financial matters were sorted out before she even went off the pill. She’s going to spend a lot of time easing his worries when he should be settling hers.

• He thinks they can’t have sex anymore 😂 ‘I’ll hurt the baby.’ This woman will have to coax him to satisfy her needs and being hormonal, he’s going to get scared and cave.

• Every time she’s sick, he’s sick. lol. Obito is one of those husbands that are sympathy ill when their wife is unwell, pregnant or not. Though the morning sickness he had worse than her.

• When she actually starts showing, the tables are turned. Obito can’t keep his hands off her. This is amazing! ‘I put that in you…’ —🫠 👈🏻 her. Yea, he did, that big dummy stuffed her good.

• When she is too big to do anything for herself, Obito takes center stage in everything. He matured rather quickly, strange how the prospect of becoming a dad alters an individual.

• 😅 Hit it from the back too rough and ultimately the orgasm she had made her go into labor (I know this is false advertisement but it’s Obito, he’s that guy).

• Nearly passes out as his wife is sprawled up on the stirrups, looks anyways and dear lord, ‘are you recording this?’ She says. Yea, he is. Unintentionally the sharingan populates and he might as well.

• Holds his son for the first time and cries. I think most men do, he’s the most precious thing in this world. Obito didn’t think he could ever make up for what he did in the past, but this one human. This tiny, itty bitty baby boy might just be his Hail Mary. That he could even bring something so good into the world makes him soften even more.

Shisui:

• Family man. 100%. They’ve been trying, and it’s not taking. Not because they’re incapable of it, both healthy and young. He’s just so busy. The days they end up trying don’t line up with her cycle and I mean they’re not just going to not have sex. Any chance he gets to put a bit of him and a little Uchiha inside her are precious moments.

• Firm believer in holding her legs up for a half hour 😂 ‘it has to marinate.’ Big eye rolls from his wife, who just lets him do things his way. After a few months, she finally begs him to just take a week off when she’s the most susceptible of his seed taking root.

• The mere idea that she is rearing and ready to go has Shisui taking his wife at the most unexpected of times. Maybe a week off was a good idea. Needless to say, the house chores are piling up. She wasn’t particularly fond of being shoved head first in the dryer either.

• ‘Making baby is the fun part…’ is his excuse when she chides him for it. Dear lord, this man shooting blanks and still trying.

• Then the unimaginable is announced, well not unimaginable but it felt like too long to actually confirm they were successful. Shisui from this point forward makes sure his pregnant wife gets everything she wants and then some.

• There is no shock period. This was all planned, Shisui is eternally grateful that his wife will be ushering their next of kin into the world. All the hard work is on her now and he is going to make sure she is treated like royalty.

• Though he questions some of her cravings, ‘…really? Ok….’ He won’t judge her, but goddamn it’s not something he’d eat.

• Copious amounts of pampering. Spends ridiculous amounts of money to have her swollen feet pedicured once a month, if she doesn’t want that he will do it himself. Her care is nonnegotiable and she is getting big with life inside of her! She needs some reprieve from the constant drain on her body.

• We aren’t even going to lie, they pretty much have sex up until the baby is born, though not like how Obito did. It’s maybe twice a week, which is less often but enough. If she’s not in the mood for it herself, she would offer to relieve him. Though he might feel guilty, so he would just use his mouth in return if she wasn’t opposed to something less invasive on her aching body. She’ll agree, Shisui is talented in those regards.

• She was making tea in the kitchen when her water broke, Shisui was out on a mission!!! She had to get Itachi to send word of bird and less than an hour he’s back. Exhausted and tired, he made it for the birth. He knew that he shouldn’t have taken that mission but she was adamant he do what he felt necessary for their village. Such a understanding woman!

• Is planting kisses to her forehead, cheeks and lips whenever she starts pushing. Holds one of her legs when the baby is finally crowning, and watches the miracle of birth. The fruit of their passion and love is wayfered into this big world. So beautiful and precious. A son, I often hc Shisui would name his first son Kagami. (I’m pretty sure the series alluded them being related).

• 🥹🥹🥹🥹 👈🏻 shisui 👉🏻 🥴😴 his wife after labor. He is wholly enamored at the tiny being in his arms. Takes the time to figure out which features their baby got from who. Undoubtedly this kid has his mop head of curls. Her nose and eye color, his eye shape and ears. 100% them.

[alexthesillybilly]

An Analysis on William Afton and Henry Emily’s Relationship and Queer Subtext

Since the reveal of Glamrock Bonnie and his room in the Ruin DLC, I’ve thought a lot on the subtext of Henry and William’s relationship, and how it seems like a queer relationship hidden under layers of denial and guilt.  I’ve always loved to analyze and connect small details and I wanted to write something about my ideas. My point here isn’t to convince anyone of anything, just to share my interpretation of their story. So enjoy me rambling for a few pages!

Fazbear Entertainment's Origins

Fredbear’s Family Diner was created sometime before 1983- and since merchandise and other spin-off things had been created at that time, it can be assumed it had been running since the late 70s.  The 70s-80s were an extremely pivotal time for the LGBTQ+ community, for its rights and awareness - this links into another point I have, on the Glamrock animatronics and that being a very queer subculture.  This in itself wouldn’t say anything about their relationship, not really, but when certain throwaway lines are considered - mainly the lines about William’s obsession with Henry (which I’ll discuss more later) and another line I want to analyse a little now.  

As you already know, at Fredbear’s, Henry performed as Fredbear himself while William performed as SpringBonnie. In FNaF World, the loading screen for SpringBonnie simply reads, “Male? Female? It’s a rabbit, who cares.”  Yes, this is just a loading screen. It probably doesn’t mean anything intentionally, but I saw somebody make a really good point on it - credit for the idea goes to this post. It says that SpringBonnie being genderless could’ve had two reasons - one being William lacking the words for a nonbinary identity, and the other being William intentionally keeping SpringBonnie genderless so it could be assumed that they were Fredbear’s love interest. 

As I mentioned earlier, the glamrock subculture of the 70s was extremely queer, with new takes on gender, androgyny, and overall theatrics related to breaking the norms of the 60s.  This adds context to Security Breach’s characters, Glamrock Freddy and Bonnie.

The Glamrocks

Since the beginning of the franchise, both in-universe and as a game series, Freddy and Bonnie have always been together, in every game, even going so far as to be physically connected as Funtime Freddy and BonBon in Sister Location - which in itself could be William’s jealousy and obsession towards Henry intensifying after being kicked from Fazbear Entertainment. But Glamrock Freddy and Bonnie are the most interesting of their variants. These two are basically canonically queer, which is big. 

I have a specific take on their relationship I haven’t seen elsewhere (though I’m sure someone else thinks this, too).  First of all, I’ll do a rundown on how their relationship is portrayed in SB and Ruin. 

In Security Breach, Glamrock Freddy mentions Bonnie a few times - only to say he misses him.  We don’t get any context on him other than that, though the “theory” that is heavily implied is that Monty destroyed Bonnie out of jealousy, which is the theory I’ll expand on after my explanation.  

In the Ruin DLC however, things change.  Through turning off all the Wet Floor Bots, a secret room will open- containing more of these bots, but more importantly, Glamrock Bonnie himself.  He’s destroyed, like the other Glamrock animatronics by this point, but it’s obvious he’s been like this for much longer.  The more important part is his room. 

In Glamrock Bonnie’s room, a few things related to my point can be found - first of all, the Glam Freddy merchandise found around the room, which I could connect into William’s obsession with Henry, but most notably (and as you were probably waiting for me to mention), the poster.  There’s a poster on the wall of Bonnie’s room, of Glamrock Freddy.  It’s written on, and it reads: “You & me forever and ever!  Love, Freddy”.  So, pretty obvious implications here - it gets real hard to argue that they were simply friends.

Now, onto the point about Monty I mentioned earlier.  As is implied, Monty destroyed Bonnie out of jealousy- and likely was planning to do the same to Freddy.  I won’t bring up every example, but many times Monty is seen being violent towards statues, cutouts, etc. of Freddy and Bonnie.  So my theory here is that Monty represents William’s jealousy of Henry turning into violence. 

We’re not exactly sure what William was jealous of Henry about, but it can be assumed it was about family or something to do with the business.  Monty was obviously jealous over fame.  I like to think that Freddy and Bonnie before Monty represent when Henry and William first opened Fredbear’s, before the Bite of ‘83, before any incidents happened.  Then Monty destroying Bonnie and becoming jealous of Freddy, represents when William kills Charlotte and starts becoming the Mr. Afton we know.  The whole storyline of Glam Freddy, Bonnie, and Monty seems similar to William and Henry’s story to me.

But enough about them- let’s talk about the real depictions of William’s obsession and jealousy.

Their Downfall

I’ve mentioned it enough times now.  William’s violent obsession and jealousy of Henry led to Charlotte’s death, likely out of William’s anger because Henry’s family seemed so perfect compared to William’s.  Now I’m onto FNaF 6. 

Henry wants to end the whole tragedy once and for all, and he finds William in the form of Scraptrap.  While setting your old best friend and possible lover on fire and then banishing them to hell might not seem too romantic to most, I’ve always liked to point out that Henry’s final words to William are, “don’t keep the devil waiting, old friend.” Something about Henry still referring to William as a friend even in a time like this, after everything, strikes me some way, that even through all the years of grieving, Henry could never make himself hate William.  Even to the very end, he just can’t do it.

This next one is a bit of a stretch, but then again, this entire essay is built on the idea that two FNaF characters have repressed gay love for eachother, so who really cares what’s more reasonable or not? 

I like to think that Orville Elephant and Mr. Hippo represent what Henry believed could’ve been, if William hadn’t grown violent.  Mr. Hippo talks to the player in Ultimate Custom Night, his stories mainly focusing on him and his friend Orville.  The player of UCN is likely meant to be William Afton himself, trapped in his own hell by Cassidy.  Some of Mr. Hippo’s stories can be read as metaphors.  If you want to read all his dialogue go ahead, but here’s a few lines that stand out to me. (I’ve taken out some repeated words to make them easier to read.)

“Y'know, I never saw any ducks die myself, but I did notice a substantial decrease in the duck population over the course of a few years. I just never thought to stop the man and tell him that he was killing the ducks by feeding them sourdough bread!”

To me, the line “I just never thought to stop the man and tell him that he was killing the ducks,” might be related to Henry not doing anything to stop or confront William about killing the kids until decades later, in fear of losing him.  

“I said to Orville, “You know, sometimes I feel like a fish leaping over and over again, always trying to get somewhere, though I don't know where, only to find myself in the jaws of a beast." He looked at me surprised, "Have you been in the jaws of a beast, friend?" To which I said, "No, of course not Orville." I said, "I simply meant that life can seem like a relentless endeavor to overcome meaningless obstacles, only to meet an equally meaningless fate regardless of your efforts, regardless of the obstacles you passed."

I don’t see this one as really related to William, just Henry’s rambles. I still figured I’d include it, though.

“…Perhaps I met a demise of my own at some point and this is my afterlife or my dream or whatever it might mean, I honestly don't know. Or maybe it doesn't mean anything at all. Maybe it doesn't mean anything at all...”

Another that isn’t related to William, but Henry’s internal feelings that everything he did was all for nothing.  I like to think of it as some of Henry’s last thoughts before dying in the FNaF 6 fire. 

Conclusion

There isn’t really a point to this all- just to tell people about my interpretation, really.  So thank you for listening to me ramble about the toxic old men I think about way too often! Of course, if I don’t say this I think I will be personally assassinated by some of the FNaF fans - THIS IS ALL MY INTERPRETATION!!  I’m not saying this is the canon true story, I just enjoy making little connections to create storylines!  Anyways, if you want to share your own interpretations go ahead!! If you read all this you are incredible ily

[championari]

True Love: Why FifteenxRogue Works

WOW. Man, that Rogue episode, huh? Watching that live was probably the greatest experience I’ve had recently regarding Doctor Who. Not just as a queer viewer, but as a queer media analyst. Fifteen and Rogue truly feel like a relationship written for me to analyze, because there is simply so frickin’ much to talk about. So, allow me, gentle reader, to be your Lady Whistledown of queer alien fuckery, and guide you through analyzing the latest dalliance of our Time Lord extraordinaire with the most honest bounty hunter in the galaxy. 

We’ll be covering a LOT of ground in this: the theme of facades/masks, an interrogation of The Doctor’s perception of romantic relationships, and a deep dive into The Fifteenth Doctor’s character overall. So, needless to say, this is going be a LONG LONG piece. Grab a snack, some water, whatever you need, cause we’re going deep on this one. 

You’re still here? Fantastic! Then let us begin! Specifically, with the Fifteenth Doctor himself. Because above all else, this episode works as a dissection of his character overall. 

I’ve already done two metas regarding The Giggle’s ending and The Doctor’s perception of romance pre-Season 1/14, so if you want more elaboration, go read those here: 1, 2. But in case you don’t, I’ll sum up and expand based on what we’ve learned since. 

The Doctor, as a character, has always struggled with commitment and attachment. They never stayed in one place for long and when they did, they had an unhealthy relationship with it (Trenzalore, Darillium, Bill’s University). Romantic connection is a permutation of this larger issue, as every romantic relationship we have seen The Doctor take part in since 2005 either was unbalanced (holding back problems/outright lying) or ended in a really bad way.  However, thanks to the 60th specials and a bi-generation, The Doctor went through a massive change, and with it, came a new perception of openness and love. Fifteen is more expressive, and willing to verbally identify beauty. He openly points out how beautiful people are, and talks about previous exploits with pride. But this supposed openness betrays a deeper dishonesty still inside the Doctor. As much as Fifteen talks the talk of openness, he doesn’t often walk the walk when things get tough.

Fifteen’s character struggle is trying to break out of the Doctor’s previous patterns of unstable attachment and commitment while continuing those patterns. He values emotional honesty and encourages it in others yet simultaneously runs from it when the spotlight is on himself, even when he knows it’s beneficial and necessary for him to do so. So, with all of that in mind, let’s deep dive into Rogue (the episode, not the character, but also the character).

The best word to describe this episode is ‘deception’. Setting the episode in Bridgerton-esque Regency-era England was an appropriate choice, likening to a show that is all about facades and posturing to gain wealth and social standing (yes I am oversimplifying, don’t hurt me). Throughout the episode, we see characters who aren’t who they present themselves to be and use all manner of tools or tactics to disguise themselves to meet their ends. 

We have the Chuldur, creatures who gain pleasure from cosplaying. They thrive on creating fake entertainment for their amusement, honesty is useless if it can’t satisfy them. While this is meant as an obvious commentary on fan culture and how dangerous it can get when taken to the extreme, it also functions as a darker reflection on The Doctor’s habits. Because think about it: what are Fifteen and Ruby doing in this episode? They are having fun, dancing alongside the other partygoers. They’re wearing the outfits but only to blend in. Ruby doesn’t know how to dance, she has to wear psychic earrings to keep up. She watches the fake fight between ‘Emily’ and ‘Lord Stilton’ like she would watch an episode of Bridgerton. Her fight with Emily later in the episode is set to Lady Gaga’s ‘Poker Face’ playing in the background.

What we’re seeing in the villains is The Doctor’s pastimes becoming toxic, taking a companion and bringing them to a culture far removed from their own. But it’s not only a commentary on The Doctor overall, it’s also Fifteen’s philosophy in a darker context. Posing as sincerity and maybe containing it to some extent, but ultimately not completely honest. Through the setting and the villains, the episode is already priming us on a subconscious level to be thinking about disguises and dishonesty, a topic that both The Doctor and the Fifteenth incarnation specifically have a complicated relationship with. And then comes Rogue.

Rogue himself is such a fascinating part of the episode because he is such a deliberate disruption to this cultivated environment of deception. Rogue is the complete antithesis of everyone in the plot. He’s terrible at improvising, he’s socially awkward, he dances without needing psychic earrings, and he never cleans the inside of his ship. Rogue intentionally disrupts the narrative of lies by not being able to play the game. Even when he tries to wear a mask, the mask of an uncaring bounty hunter, He doesn’t wear it well and gets rid of it after the ship scene with The Doctor. Rogue is a character who cannot help but be who he is, he’s a character who not only can’t wear a mask but doesn’t want to. To put it simply, honesty is Rogue’s kink. That’s why the episode is named after him; it’s not just because he’s a central character, but because he provides the counter-argument to the themes of lies and deception. Rogue, the disruptor to The Chuldur’s acts of fake entertainment, and the disruptor to The Doctor’s act of cosplaying with Ruby, and on a deeper level, disrupts Fifteen’s oscillation between sincerity and repression. But we’ll get to that, we have Mount Everest's amount of context to analyze first, starting with their first meeting.

The Doctor and Rogue’s beginning scene sets the stage for the main obstacle in their relationship: their masks. ‘Cause right now we’re operating with two versions of the characters: the facade/mask versions, and the real versions. We get our first look at Rogue when Fifteen looks around for interference on the psychic earrings. He finds him being the most conspicuous while wearing the ‘bounty hunter’ mask: on a balcony (separated from the party physically), not speaking at all. 

He is standing out here but only in the way someone who knows disguises would recognize. The Doctor, remember no. 1 liar, of course he’s gonna recognize that. So much so, that he gives Rogue pointers on how to put on a better “brooding” face, literally teaching him how to wear the mask better. Rogue is an amateur mask wearer, going up against the master of mask-wearing. And that’s why Fifteen smiles when he sees him, he’s intrigued by that contradiction and wants to know more. 

Rogue meanwhile, is being rude and dismissive to scare him off, trying to keep to the mask he’s built. At this point, he knows that Fifteen also stands out from the rest but right now is assuming that he’s still a random partygoer. Notice what he says to him: 

He’s still using language and ideas someone from that era would understand. Where this deviates is this little exchange that felt familiar to me, but I couldn’t figure out from where. Until I remembered this:

(credit to @ngatwa for this set, you're amazing)

This is the first instance in the episode where Fifteen and Rogue’s relationship calls back to previous romantically-coded relationships The Doctor has had between companions. But it’s not just romantic subtext, it’s subtext that explains where the two are in the relationship. Victorian Clara was far more than what she appeared to be (a governess masquerading as a barmaid/echo of a companion scattered in the Doctor’s timeline), and the Doctor was more than he appeared to be (an alien who lived in a blue box). In asking those questions, it’s both recognition of the masks and inquiry for the real person underneath. Same thing here: Rogue and Fifteen at this point are trying to figure each other out, trying to see beyond the masks of the uncaring bounty hunter, and the flirtatious partygoer. Where things start to go wrong is that neither party fesses up to who they are. Rogue instantly assumes Fifteen is The Chuldur he’s looking for, while Fifteen assumes Rogue is a regular partygoer looking to…*ahem* create a scandal in the gardens if you get what I mean. This explains why a violin rendition of Billie Eilish’s ‘Bad Guy’ plays in the background. It’s not just a Bridgerton reference, it’s contributing to both characters’ perception of each other in this scene: both characters think the other is the “bad guy”. The lead into the scene is deception, we leave it the same way. No breakthrough yet. 

Now we’re moving on to the scene in the garden, where both masks of Fifteen and Rogue begin clashing with their real personalities. Fifteen is still being semi-sincere, still complimenting Rogue. And like water, all of it is rolling off of him because he’s still under the assumption he’s talking to a shapeshifting alien. He rudely asks about The Doctor’s info dumping and doesn’t respond to The Doctor’s compliments.

(credit to @klausbens for the gif, you're awesome)

He’s not engaging because he thinks the Doctor is not who he appears to be, and for a character that values honesty, everything Fifteen says is gonna wash over him. The moment this changes is when the two are accusing the other of the murder. Quite literally finishing each other’s sandwiches (C’mon, you know I had to throw a Frozen reference in this somewhere). 

This is a very interesting scene given our current context. Trope-wise, this is meant to communicate to the audience the bond between the two characters, they’re thinking the same thing. But the trope is flipped on its head because both characters take it in opposite directions. Both Fifteen and Rogue are in perfect sync, they are being honest about how much they understand about the situation, but that information is leading them to completely different conclusions (i.e. the other person is the Chuldur). They’re slapping more masks onto each other, this time with information they know is true, which leads to them locking in their heels and simply not being honest altogether until later. This scene is a repeat of the previous one, except this time it’s them showing their hands a bit more, making the backslide all the more difficult. Getting close to sealing the deal, then heel turn at the last minute, a classic Bridgerton move. 

So, what needs to happen to break this backslide? Well, plain and simple honesty. The scene on Rogue’s ship is when both masks start coming off. What Fifteen is doing on the ship during the scene is essentially trying to figure out Rogue. He finds out the ship is meant to be piloted by two, and he discovers the origin of Rogue’s name, the Kylie Minogue music. Which is a moment I want to zoom in on. Right before this happens when Rogue gives a cheeky response to Fifteen finding out about the name, Fifteen makes a joke and starts emphasizing his Scottish accent. This is Fifteen putting on another mask to make a joke, and Rogue doesn’t appreciate that, given his dirty look. 

Then Fifteen finds the music, which he then again uses as an opportunity to joke around and make fun of him (and flirt a little bit with him).  Fifteen is removing Rogue’s mask, while he is staying enigmatic and mysterious, which is why Rogue is still stonewalling him. HOWEVER, two can play that game, and Fifteen makes a big mistake in showing Rogue the psychic paper. This is the first time Fifteen is completely honest about his feelings towards Rogue. No mask, no posturing, complete honesty. And we see Rogue responds positively to this: 

This is the first time the two are both on the same level, communicating honestly. And that’s where we start to see genuine romantic feelings and attraction. 

But it’s not enough, so what does Fifteen do? He pulls out the big guns. He shows Rogue the truth: he’s a Time Lord from Gallifrey and has lived many different lives over hundreds of years. He not only rips off his mask, he quite literally reveals all of the other masks the Doctor has worn throughout the ages. And what is Rogue’s reaction to this? 

Complete besotted awe. If honesty is Rogue’s kink, then The Doctor revealing their faces just supercharged it. This is the moment that Rogue falls in love because he’s finally seeing who this mysterious flirty person really is. 

Now, I’m gonna pull out another previous Doctor romance for two reasons: One, I’ve been seeing this comparison floating around for a while, and if you know me and my old analyses, it’s that I cannot leave an inaccurate take alone, and two, because I think it applies here. I’ve been seeing comparisons online of this episode to Girl in the Fireplace, in which a new character falls in love with The Doctor and gets the rare opportunity to see their true self. But what makes Reinette different from Rogue is that honesty kink. Reinette was attracted to the mystery of the Doctor, her childhood hero who somehow doesn’t age. Note when he comes back the first time, she focuses on how strange he is:

She learns more about them later, but she was already in love with them before that. Rogue doesn’t want the mystery. In reality, The Doctor wearing masks is a turnoff for him. He only wants the real thing, so when Fifteen reveals the truth, that’s when the genuine romance begins. 

(We could also extend this comparison to the discussion of consent: Reinette found out everything without The Doctor's permission, while Fifteen revealed all the info by himself, but whether we can consider this consensual depends on your definition of consent under duress/threat. So I’m not entirely sure what to make of this conversation, feel free to expand in the tags/replies cause I want to hear more about this)

So now we’re moving along to the TARDIS scene. We continue with the theme of disguises with the whole “bigger on the inside” routine, Fifteen riffing as Willy Wonka for a hot moment singing Pure Imagination, and we have Rogue’s momentary slip-up:

(credit to klausbens for the gifs, you're awesome)

This is a great sign of character growth because while he’s maybe not wholly honest about his feelings towards The Doctor, he still is open about his love for the TARDIS, an important part of The Doctor’s life, so big step right there. 

I want to pay attention to the heart-to-heart here because watching what Fifteen says and how he reacts is extremely important to getting his view on the situation. Because right now, I wouldn’t say The Doctor is in love with Rogue back. While there is a lot of attraction and hints at a deeper bond, Fifteen is still operating with most of his mask on. Notice that when he asks Rogue about the person he lost, Ncuti Gatwa’s blocking has him leaning on the railing at an angle to the side of Rogue. He’s purposely staying at a distance, yet is leaning on the railings to appear casual. 

And when Rogue starts opening up, he moves closer and they’re at equal distance from each other.

We get a really sweet (and allegorical to the queer community) moment about The Doctor’s motivation of living out of respect for the dead, to keep living each day that they lost. And then we get Fifteen inviting Rogue onto the TARDIS. I want to focus on this because he doesn’t seem upset or disappointed by Rogue countering this offer by inviting The Doctor to travel with him, meaning he doesn’t see this as a “take it or leave it” offer. In fact, the compromise Fifteen comes up with, “let’s argue across the stars” and Rogue accepting it, is what leads to the almost kiss. So that prompts the question, what is Fifteen trying to say here? 

Well, what Fifteen is asking for is to continue seeing Rogue. It doesn’t matter to him if he’s on the TARDIS or not, all that matters is that he still has him in his life. The choice to see him more. Why does that sound familiar? Because that’s exactly what I wrote about in my dissertation on The Giggle’s Ending: 

“In giving Fourteen their own TARDIS, Fifteen is allowing his younger self to have what they always removed from the equation: free will. The Doctor can still go anywhere they want, which makes them even more motivated to stay and fix themself. Fourteen can feel safe staying with Donna, Wilf, Mel, Rose, Shaun, and Sylvia because the option to travel is still there.”

Fifteen’s love language is giving the people he cares about the freedom to express the love they already have within them. He values freedom above all else, and when Rogue accepts that freedom, that’s when we get the almost-kiss. This is the moment where The Doctor falls in love with Rogue back because it’s Rogue being willing to meet The Doctor where they’re at. He’s allowing Fifteen to set the pace and not force himself on him. 

Additionally, this willingness to be as slow or fast as The Doctor needs means far more to The Doctor overall than to just Fifteen. Many people have already pointed out the similarities between the line “let’s argue across the stars' and previous lines the Doctor has said to villainous characters like The Master and The Toymaker:

"We can take your games back to the stars."

"We can fight across the constellations if that's what you want".

Now, why is that? It’s because again, The Doctor’s perception of Rogue is evolving in this scene. Remember, up to this point, The Doctor doesn’t entirely know Rogue’s morality. All they know is that Rogue is a bounty hunter, and is not afraid to use his gun when he deems appropriate. There’s even a little line in this scene before the heart-to-heart where Fifteen specifically imposes his own brand of morality on the situation: “Whatever the Chuldur has done, I can’t let you kill it.” Now, we know that The Doctor’s morality and romantic life can conflict: River being a known murderer/psychopath, their longtime situationship, and later attempted rehabilitation of The Master/Missy. This is another feature of The Doctor’s character: while they do act like they have the final say on what is right, they also compromise that morality for people they care about. 

Like how The Doctor surprised Rogue by showing all of his faces, Rogue surprised the Doctor right back by not only being honest about his past but by being willing to accept The Doctor’s compromise. This moment is when The Doctor finds out that Rogue is a good person, and that The Doctor doesn’t need to compromise their morality when entering this relationship.

This heart-to-heart is about Rogue not only winning over the Fifteenth Doctor by agreeing with his values of freedom but also winning over The Doctor overall by just genuinely being a good person. But of course, the moral duty of taking care of the Chuldur rears its head in the form of the TARDIS alerting that the trap is ready. The bubble has popped and we still have a long way to go. 

(Plus, Fifteen’s facial expression in this shot perfectly captures that trademark “Oh.” moment, realizing you’re in love with someone but then taping it down to focus back on the immediate problem. Love you Ncuti Gatwa, you do great work)

Alright, now we’re at the dance/fake proposal scene. Oh lord, so much happens here with both dialogue and production regarding character, so let’s take this one at a time. Fifteen, Rogue and now Ruby have figured out the big plot regarding the Chuldur, their obsession with cosplay and dressing up to create drama. In response, Fifteen comes up with the idea to essentially beat them at their own game: create a fake scandal to draw them out. 

Now on paper and in terms of beating the bad guys, this is a plan that could and does work, but in terms of his relationship with Rogue: THIS. WAS. A. BAD. IDEA. Why? The very idea of masks and faking not only was the leading cause of them not connecting in the beginning but specifically doesn’t work with Rogue. You can see it in how Rogue nervously looks at Ruby and Emily when Fifteen asks him to dance, and even questions the validity of the plan: 

(credit goes to @carricfisher for texted gif, you're awesome)

It’s not just that he doesn’t know about homophobia, he just doesn’t like the idea of pretending at all. But the reason why it doesn’t collapse right away is because it’s not entirely pretending. The dance may function on the surface to create a scene, but for Rogue (and Fifteen albeit to a smaller extent) it doubles as an intimate moment between them. This connects to the choice of dimming the lights in an unrealistic way (which btw, as a film student, had me going insane watching it live). We’re seeing a deliberate break in reality, a dishonest showcase of the story being told, that serves the purpose of highlighting an ultimately honest and sincere act of love. Both The Doctor and Rogue are warping the aesthetic of deception in terms of the narrative by fabricating a scandal, and in terms of the production by changing the lighting. 

But of course, things start going to hell right there. Fifteen tries to up the drama and Rogue can’t keep up. Rogue overcorrects and proposes to Fifteen, who freaks out and leaves the room. Now, I don’t want to get into the question of whether or not Rogue was playing along by proposing or being genuine (Personally speaking, I think it was both. 70% true, and 30% fake). Instead, I want to clear up why Fifteen freaked out here. I’m sure a lot of the long-time audience could already guess that it was parallel to River Song, The Doctor’s wife, but I think it’s more layered than that. Why would a reference to River scare the Doctor so much, aside from reminding them of a close person they lost? Because the last time the Doctor got married to someone they truly loved, it involved a 24-year stay on Darillium, which he knew would end in tragedy. Note the word choice here:

“Sorry I…I can’t.”

Not ‘I don’t want this’, it’s a void of agency (which connects to my piece on The Giggle’s ending and freedom). The Doctor can’t have that with Rogue, he was fine with them being casual to avoid the possibility of losing him. 

But on my first watch, I couldn’t help getting a little bit cross with Fifteen here, because the amount of ball fumbling on display is outright ridiculous; The Time Lord brings himself onto the dancefloor, with a guy he nearly made out with two minutes ago, gets all up in his face and starts shouting at him to “tell me what you heart wants!” and then completely freezes when said guy starts proposing to him. What in the fuck did you expect was going to happen, bud?! What made you think this would go off without a hitch?

I want to preface this by saying I had a completely different reading of this scene for a long time. My original thought was that Fifteen was trying to do multiple things simultaneously. He potentially was trying to lure out the Chuldur by creating scandal and at the same time, was trying to have a serious talk with Rogue about where he’s at emotionally. These lines in particular have fascinated me since my first watch: “You would ask me to give up my title, my fortune. But what future can you promise me?”. It did feel like these lines hinted at Fifteen’s thought process at this moment, he chose those specific lines to use for this moment. Was Fifteen trying to have an honest conversation with Rogue about their relationship while being fake to everyone else? But that doesn’t make sense considering the previous conversation in the TARDIS showed Fifteen comfortable with the idea of them being casual and Rogue respecting that, so it doesn’t make sense with where Fifteen is progression-wise. 

But it wasn’t until writing out this piece that I realized I had it all wrong and the truth was far simpler: this is a repeat of their meeting on the balcony, albeit with higher personal stakes. Let’s take a step back here: What is happening in this scene? Fifteen and Rogue are completely missing what the other is trying to say. Fifteen ignored Rogue being visibly uncomfortable over being back to playing with masks, and Rogue is not getting if Fifteen wants him to be genuine or not. Just like on the balcony and the garden, where both sides think they’re saying one thing when it’s the opposite. Before, both parties were wrong about who they were, now both parties are wrong about what they want. 

Fifteen is saying complete bullshit here, not true stuff to their situation but stuff that their audience would react to. He’s being over the top on purpose to elicit reactions. Meanwhile Rogue is thinking he’s being genuine. He thinks Fifteen is, through code speak, trying to genuinely ask him these questions. Which leads him to get down on one knee. And that’s a big problem because Rogue doesn’t know that proposing is wading into a gargantuan trauma pool for The Doctor. This scene is a magnified example of the duo’s problem with masks and not being completely honest with each other. 

However, while this scene may have been a cause for regression from The Doctor on the relationship part, Rogue on the other hand has an epiphany. In the scene following this one, we get the truly iconic callback of “Run.” and Rogue taking the Doctor’s hand. Why is this important? Well, there are three specific examples that this moment is calling back to: 

Nine meeting Rose ("Run!")

Victorian Clara and Eleven fleeing from the Ice Governess ("I do the handgrabbing! That's my job! That's always me!")

Twelve running with River ("Stop holding my hand! People don't do that to me!")

Nine meeting Rose establishes this idea of protection: The Doctor taking care of someone by leading them away from danger. The other two examples are subversions of that idea: Clara and River are now leading The Doctor out of danger. Same principle here, except here it has a bit more context behind it. Clara and River subverting that act of protection made sense given who they were: Clara as an echo across The Doctor’s time stream knew who The Doctor was and what they needed, even if she didn’t know it consciously when the moment happened. River as The Doctor’s wife also knew who they were and what they needed at the time. 

By connecting Rogue’s action of taking Fifteen’s hand and running to Clara and River, it not only again connects Fifteen and Rogue to previous romantic relationships, but it also shows Rogue learning from his mistake. Rogue’s mistake in the proposal scene was him not figuring out what Fifteen needed at that moment, it was a major miscommunication. Now, at this moment, Rogue is starting to figure out what he needs to do. He is, to use relationship lingo, "shelving his agenda" to help the Doctor. 

And that progression continues through the last leg of the episode, including the moment when Fifteen thinks Ruby is dead. I’ve always found this moment in particular so fascinating because of how loud it is metaphorically for both characters. Fifteen is taking off the mask of coolness and revealing that Doctor™ anger. This is a complete switch-up from what he’s been like throughout most of the episode. Yet when he lets out that chilling line, “Good. That’s a long time to suffer.” Rogue doesn’t look all that scared or mad at him. 

The face Rogue makes here looks far closer to a resigned sadness, almost like he knew that he would have that reaction. Keep in mind that Rogue knows nothing about The Doctor at their worst, all that he knows right now is that they lost “everyone”. Compare that with Donna, who was outright terrified of The Doctor when at their worst (for good reason though). 

Rogue isn’t surprised by this at all. He’s not asking “What happened to this person in front of me?”, he’s realizing “This is how much he cares about his best friend.” He’s seeing the depth of this person’s love that is inexorably linked to the depth of his grief, and is realizing he can’t allow that grief to corrupt this person he’s grown to love, even if it means endangering himself. Which is exactly what ends up happening.

This is where the theme of masks finally pays off. At the beginning of the episode, both Rogue and Fifteen are wearing their masks (cold, uncaring bounty hunter, and flirtatious partygoer). Those masks started to come down, but that got messed up thanks to miscommunication. Rogue didn’t understand what The Doctor needed from him, causing their trauma to resurface and The Doctor ran away from having to deal with that grief. This final scene is them being completely honest with each other. Rogue asks him “Can you lose your friend to save the world?”, and Fifteen tells him the truth. He can’t, he can’t let that happen again. And Rogue understands that, he finally knows what needs to be done. And so he kisses him. Why did Rogue kiss him? Again, it’s a repeat of a previous scene, this time the dance. Rogue is comfortable putting on a mask/doing something dishonest when there’s an aspect of truth to it. Even if they danced together to serve a lie, it still was a moment powered by romantic feelings. Same with the kiss. Rogue had wanted to kiss him, so he felt comfortable doing something with an ulterior motive (taking the button from him) because it was also something he would’ve wanted to do regardless of the situation. 

But why did Rogue do it? The one line that I kept thinking of in summing up the intent behind Rogue's sacrifice was, ironically, from Frozen: "Love is...putting someone else's needs before yours”. Essentially, shelving your agenda, like we’ve been saying. Back in the proposal scene, Rogue’s mess up was not figuring out what Fifteen needed out of him at that moment. Fifteen needed him to play along in faking and instead, Rogue heel turned into a lot of trauma for The Doctor. So now, after seeing how important Ruby was to Fifteen, so important that he was willing to torture The Chuldur out of grief, Rogue is putting The Doctor’s needs before his own and stopping him from having to choose between her and the world. It's also why Rogue wiping away his tears before the kiss was so crazy because that's normally the Doctor's job. The Doctor is normally the one who turns sadness into hope. This time, someone else is doing that for him.

(credit to ngatwa again)

The greatest act of love in the episode was not the proposal, it was the sacrifice.

To close our tale, let us circle back to talking about Fifteen’s character arc. I opened this essay by talking about Fifteen’s main character flaw being a contradiction: both valuing emotional intimacy and running from it. That doesn’t seem to change by the end of this episode, so much so that Ruby forces Fifteen to take a moment and mourn Rogue’s loss when he wants to steamroll forward. But there’s one little detail left: Fifteen kept the ring. Not only kept it but is wearing it in the season finale to the point of even playing with it like a nervous tick. 

That bond, that relationship was so important to him that he doesn’t allow himself to ignore it. It’s only after he has that hug with Ruby that he pulls out the ring and chooses to wear it. Rogue is the one thing Fifteen won’t run away from because what they had wasn’t fake. It was real. 

Rogue, the supposed bounty hunter who only cared about wealth, loved The Doctor so much that he was willing to give up his life for his friend. The Doctor, the supposed Time Lord who flees from attachment, loves Rogue enough to remember him every day.  

I ask you, gentle readers, how could one resist a love story like that?

NOTE: some extra bits I wanted to include that I couldn’t fit anywhere else: I’m such a sucker for color symbolism, and having Rogue wear blue in contrast to Fifteen’s normally warm color palette, as well as blue being the color of The TARDIS…it just makes me feel things, ya’ know? 

Also, by not gendering Rogue’s previous partner, only ever using they/them pronouns, it helps add to the relationship in a social commentary way. It subtly shows that Rogue already has experience/is attracted to people who on some level defy gender norms, which helps prime the audience to buy Rogue accepting/liking The Doctor being able to change gender when regenerating.

Essentially, I'm insane over these two, and I need them back on screen as soon as possible.

[nobodysdaydreams]

More Hatchetverse Theory: Sycamore High and the Timberwolves are connected to the Hatchetmen and the Tree-People

Starkid's Hatchetverse has retriggered my hyperfixation, and by golly if you think I'm not gonna share every unhinged theory...you're wrong. I’ll tag them “#hatchetverse theory” to make it easier. So let's dive in.

One thing I haven't seen anyone talking about is the fact that, based on what we know about canon, Sycamore High School likely shouldn't exist.

Hatchetfield is a "tiny town". There doesn't seem to be a reason for them to have two high schools, especially when Sycamore seems to not even have enough staff and students for most extra curriculars and programs (in TGWDLM, Paul mentions they don't have a theater program).

So why does Sycamore High School exist? Well, one thing I noticed was that SYCAMORE High as well as its mascot, the TIMBERwolves, have tree related pun names. And what a coincidence, trees happened to be big in the hatchetfield universe, particularly when it comes to the hatchetmen and their hatred of the LIB and magic/“the gift” in general. They did plant a forest of magic tree people after all. And, since they hate the LIB so much, they likely wouldn't want their children attending high school at one of the black altar locations, which just so happens to be Hatchetfield High. That gives them a motivation to build an alternative school.

Sounds like a pretty solid theory to me, but then there's also the fact that the residents also seem to have an odd attitude towards Sycamore High. It's not hated by Hatchetfield High with the same level of hatred they give the Clivesdale Chemists, but they still don't like Sycamore, and the students hate the idea of transferring there. Which seems odd. You'd think it would be the other way around since Hatchetfield High is the school with the black altar. Unless being around a black altar makes the students hate Sycamore, and I could probably do a whole different rant on how the LIB's influence is messing with the perceptions and behavior of the people of Hatchetfield, particularly at the altar locations or when someone uses or has used the black book, but maybe I'll save that for later.

However, if you really wanted to take this theory to the extreme, it could be part of the reason why Paul "doesn't like musicals." Musicals and music are the primary way Pokey expands his influence in Hatchetfield, at least in TGWDLM. That might be one of the reasons Sycamore doesn't have a choir or theater program: not just due to lack of students, but strategically to keep Pokey's influence out. Paul went to Sycamore High, which isn't a black altar (and indeed, might even be designed to counteract or resist the LIB), therefore he's more put off by music and musical performances in Hatchetfield, though he doesn't really know why.

I also suspect this isn't the only instance where the name of locations around town have significance. This has already been seen several times, particularly with the black altar locations.

For example:

The Starlight Theater: has a star theme similar to "the Church of the Starry Children"

CCRP (COVEN Communication Research and Power): Literally has the word "Coven" in it.

Lakeside Mall: Used to be the old mill (which would be located near water, also "mall" and "mill" are one letter off).

And trust me, I have my theories about Clivesdale as well, but again, maybe that one is better for another time.

I hope you enjoy Starkid fandom!

[lovingdabeessss]

Mini ramble cause I’m tired I’ll expand later probably

Blake and Weiss have trouble with their emotions because of their different kinds of abuse they’ve experienced but they still clearly have them, you know? They talk about them and they talk about it a lot their was a whole arc that was just them talking about their emotions very loudly at each other so having the emotions or expressing it doesn’t really bother them that much

or at least not in every environment, Yang and Ruby are the safest space they got they’ll fight each other to the death around them if they’d let them if you want to have unsavory emotions and unsavory words they’re the two people they’re both comfortable doing it around

It seems like they’re biggest issue with having negative emotions is how other people perceive them and how others react and putting up a front around others unless really comfortable

(What an incredible life changing experience it must’ve been to have that kinda safe space with people who care about you for no reason other then because they do and not for any ulterior motive after so long of not feeling like that to love someone so much you could safely hate them and they’d still ask you include you in ever conversation, it’s like that one measurement of love and comfort where if your kid complains and whines about things you make them do to you then they love you and think your safe to be around and if they’re silent and obedient and distant they think your not)

However with Yang and Ruby it’s not a front they’re not pretending to not feel the emotions they’re actually just not feeling them

They’re refusing to outright

Ruby doesn’t vent till she’s in a universe where GRIM DONT EXIST and then the emotions overwhelm her so much she DIES

Yang does let herself have negative emotions but ONLY anger which is controlled and specifically when she can take that kinda heat she expresses anger not only with the acknowledgment of the risk to herself but also often when other people are also already upset

Yangs semblance is clearly designed to make it easier for her to take hits for others this expression of anger goes along with the fact that it lights her on fire and makes her big and bright she’s making herself a bigger target

Cough cough not subtle metaphor cough cough YOU KNOW LIKE WHAT YOU DO AGAINST BEARS?!?! GOLDILOCKS!?!?!? Cough cough not subtle metaphor cough cough

(And Yang and Ruby will sometimes have breakdowns because of this where everything totally boils over and they have no way of dealing with it and they end up sobbing but even then they usually manage to do it in a closed off room)

Their lives have been centered completely around becoming huntresses and surviving through and killing grim it’s been their whole lives if the grim are attracted to negative emotions it doesn’t matter if you don’t show it on your face it’s GETTING you

To be a hunter you have to choose either:

1- go fucking crazy (all of the teachers at beacon for whatever reason)

2- be good enough at your job to be mentally ill (qrow)

3- DIE

So they just couldn’t feel shit cause they didn’t hav the skill level as children to allow that and survive

And obviously they do feel these things but it’s SOO repressed (Ruby I believe less so but it’s still beneath the surface so she’s good)

Blake and Weiss had a ton of shit to worry about but Blake was always more focused on other people as enemies and only had to personally worry about that after she joined the white fang and learned how to fight and I GENUINELY believe that the forest with Ruby was the first time Weiss’s isolated SKY CITY looking ass ever saw a real grim in person and not her sisters fake ones

And I think this is just really interesting because of how long it might’ve taken Yang and Ruby to realize the difference between their partners and them and why I think it might’ve led to interesting interactions but they’d probably never outright talk about it with them because it might lead to emotions

[ihavetoomanyocsdealwithit]

Azul pt 1

The fact that he waited until the next day to find her was a bit surprising, but that didn’t make it any less scary when Floyd Leech catches Yuu outside class.  

“Shrimpy.” his tone is flat. The hand around the collar of her uniform isn’t tight, but it’s clear she isn’t going anywhere. “With me. Now.”  

“Ah shit, he’s actually pissed.” Ace mutters, stiff beside her.  

“Floyd, how you doing?” Yuu smiles. Nope, definitely not in the mood.  

“Wait,” Deuce puts a hand on her wrist. “We still have class. She'll get in trouble if she skips.”  

“It’s not skipping, Azul can write a note as house warden.” He picks her up again, no more than a ragdoll. “If you pull the same trick you did yesterday, it’s not going to be pretty. Nobody has escaped my squeeze before, and we aint starting with you.” He bares his teeth, tapping her nose with his free hand.  

Yuu can’t recognize if he’s genuinely angry or just annoyed with her escape. She isn’t willing to test it, and she knows she is too tired to do so again. Mary had already warned her off of doing so outside of Ramshackle for now, until she got used to Underground magic.  

“Um, I’ll see you guys later?” she waves, hoping that this will be quick at least.  

He doesn’t put her down once, even when she politely asks. He isn’t quiet though. He seems more annoyed that he had to pull in Idia to provide camera footage that she actually disappeared and didn’t just decide not to get her. The twins don’t seem to enjoy arguing with Azul, though the lines look fuzzy from the outside.  

The bubble always feels odd going down, and then the coolness of Octavinelle settles in. It isn’t always a pleasant feeling when you are warmblooded, but maybe that’s why she rarely sees any Octavinelle student without a jacket on?  

Azul’s office is the same as ever, clean down to the last dust speck on the nearly excessive bookshelves surrounding the whole room. The soft glow of the aquariums below offer a nice touch that she’s always enjoyed though, and finds it difficult to not relax when looking at them. 

 He sits at his desk with the strange fishbone pen scribbling over a softly glowing contract. The laptop, some type of the line model probably, almost stands out like a sore thumb amongst the antique designs.  

It better not be for me, she thinks.  

“Thank you Floyd,” Yuu mumbles as her feet finally touch the ground.  

“Ah, Shrimpy gonna be all grumpy now?” He teases, pulling at her cheek.  

“Floyd, please.” Azul says, almost smiling at her swatting hands doing absolutely nothing. “We have business to discuss.”  

“Yea, I never got a text yesterday, so it must not have been that important.” Yuu crosses her arms.  

“Oh, that’ll come later. I am far more interested in what this was. A unique magic perhaps?”  

He turns his laptop monitor to show the footage of her turning into glitter, her wide eyes the last thing to literally blink out of existence.  

“Even if I had a good idea what happened, I wouldn’t tell you. It was a fluke, I haven’t been able to do it since.” Half of it was true at least. She wasn’t able to recreate the distance, though it may be the desire just wasn’t strong enough.  

“Ah, no need to be coy.” Azul smiles, the polite one that makes her eye twitch. “If your magic base is expanding that’s something to celebrate! How about a drink and dessert, on the house of course.”  

“What do you want?” she asks bluntly. “Nothing comes for free with you.”  

“Prefect!” he places a hand on his chest, “Do you think me so low as to not celebrate my friend's accomplishments?”  

“Are we friends?” Yuu snaps, “I didn’t know that friends made each other homeless.”  

His mouth snaps shut with a click. A huff of air behind ear reminds her that Floyd is still behind her, not at his usual spot beside Azul’s desk. Making sure to guard the exit?  

“I-” Azul takes a deep breath, twirling the neck of the fishbone pen before carefully setting it inside the holder, putting a lid on the ink bottle. “I’ll admit, not my best moment.”  

He sighs, walking around to the front of the desk and leaning against the ledge.  

“Ms. Yuu, you clearly have an expanding magical core, which is wonderful. I congratulate you on effort and achievements. But it’s clearly powerful magic.” He adjusts his gloves, avoiding her eyes. “I, of all people, understand powerful magic without a medium to balance it out. We both know what it looks like when there are...no guidelines.” 

Azul was capable of his spell without the contracts. The contracts are what allowed him to keep his sanity and mind. His step father had been the one to teach him and help, the best gift he had ever received from him truly. But there was something addictive in the power, and to see Yuu overblot, even by accident? 

“I...I do apologize for my transgressions in the past.” Even Floyd raises his eyebrows at him. “I’ll admit that I did not think of the repercussions of my actions as I was self-assured in my own victory. And, at the time, it was the only thing that mattered.”  

There are some deals that you prevent from happening, for the sake of his own skin of course.  

“I have teachers that are helping me.” Yuu relents, “Though I understand your concerns better now. If, and it’s a big if, I need help, I will...actually consider your offer?” 

He laughs, something a little softer than his usual one. “Well, as a show of good faith.” He pulls out a small metal piece from his pocket, “Take this. A representation of our benevolence, guided by the Seawitch and her two beloved eels.” 

It’s a simple band, two dark eels wrapped around a small nautilus shell. It was in the style she preferred, something elegant but minimal. It didn’t look like a cheap tourist thing either, she could feel that the shell was smooth, thin but strong. It wouldn't shatter easily at least.  

“Are these actual eel scales?” she asks, feeling the bumpy texture.  

“Why yes!” he smiles, “I thought something handmade would be of preference. You do seem to prefer things of a more sentimental variety.”  

She huffs, raising her pant leg to wear it as an anklet instead.  

“Alright Azul, I’ll choose to forgive, but I won’t forget. Afterall, forgetting how powerful you are would just be stupid for me.”  

A surprised huff leaves him, but he allows her to leave at last. Jade meets her at the door before she can even turn the knob, Floyd staying behind.  

“Huh,” he mutters, “Went better than expected.” Floyd stretches his body out, small pops along his spine that wouldn’t be there in a human body. “You get what you needed out of it?”  

“Enough, though not all.” Azul nods. “We do need her to trust us, and if that means giving away a token to show good faith, it’ll be worth the small energy exchange.”  

“Also allows us to keep an eye on her.” Floyd adds, rubbing the small spot along his upper arm. They were eel scales. Specifically, theirs. Azul wouldn’t be able to see through her eyes the way he could with his or Jade’s, but with a sprinkle of their scales and a small sample of all three of their magics in the shell itself, they’d always be able to have a vague idea of where she was at least. With the way she was progressing in and out of class, she was becoming a threat.  

And the best way to neutralize a threat was to make them a friend.  

“It’s for her own good.” Azul goes to sit back down. He thinks it is for her good at least, and it’s not totally invasive. “Besides, I would like to know more about these teachers of hers. Perhaps they are looking for more students.”  

Floyd shakes his head, making sure that Azul has a drink before heading out himself. He can’t afford to fail this next test if he wants to stay in the advanced classes. At least the advanced classes aren’t as boring as the main ones, but damn if they don’t test his patience some days.  

[katealpha]

Art by @Dizy_Wata_Toons

—-————————————-

Prologue:

Shortly after the year 2026 began, the Earth was suddenly visited by a fleet of massive saucer ships. There was panic at first, with many seeing this as the beginning of an alien invasion. However, contact was made between the two, and over a few months, humanity began to learn more about the Serpent Empire.

Predominantly made up of clones, the serpent species were born to serve their leaders, with the most efficient way of growing new clones being through the natural reproductive system. For eons, the serpents were conquerors, taking resources and women from various planets to serve as revered but captive broodmares for the aliens. By the time the serpents discovered earth, they’d expanded and taken so much control that the breeding program was entirely voluntary. Once diplomatic ties were made, the serpents began to integrate themselves into Earth’s societies. Chiefly, they advertised the breeding program and offered unbelievable amounts of money to volunteers.

This is where Nina Gao came in.

Nina was an actress who had recently started to gain traction in Hollywood. Seeing an opportunity to boost her career and help bridge the gap between Earth and the serpents, she had her agent contact the empire and soon, there was a drop ship hovering in front of her penthouse balcony….

# 1 Week Later….

A a phone camera began to record, standing up on a small tripod. The subject was Nina, who after a week of thinking, decided how she’d record the progress of what was happening to her. In short, she was pregnant. The operation done on her was a success.

Once she saw that she was being recorded live on YouTube, she smiled and stepped back so the camera could capture her from the thighs up. Now that she was in frame, she waved.

“Hey everyone! Nina here. I don’t normally upload to my official YouTube channel, but this is a very special occasion. Some of you might already know what this is about if you follow my Twitter and Instagram, but I’ll explain it again here. So, those serpent empire aliens who’ve been chilling out around our planet? Well, they’ve been basically doing help wanted ads for their breeding program.” The actress sneered slightly. “I know it sounds super weird, but they assured me that it was refined and safe for humanoids like me. Yeah, I kinda called them to volunteer. Why? Because I think having at least one movie star hear them out will make things between our kinds. That, and I’ll admit, I’m making twice as much as I would on a normal gig. If you’re watching at home and struggling with your bills…I’d probably think about it.” She gave a rather awkward chuckle before she changed subjects.

“Anyways, the procedure wasn’t really bad. They did it exactly a week ago, so as I’m recording this, I am pregnant with their kind. Just to make it fully known. In fact I’ve already started showing. They told me that the pregnancy would last about a month.” She sighed. “So yeah, hopefully it’ll all turn out okay. But here, let me show you guys the progress so far.”

Nina zipped down her thin sweatshirt and revealed her bare stomach to the camera. While she was hardly completely toned around her tummy, a turn to the side showed that something was different. Her stomach looked like she’d eaten too much at a restaurant. Like an average food baby one would see on tik tok or even that side of YouTube.

“You can definitely notice a little when I turn to the side. That’s gonna get a lot bigger over the next few weeks, and they already told me that I’m gonna start getting growth spurts and cravings soon. So yeah, can’t wait for that crap to get started. I’m just glad I only have voice roles to worry about for a while. I don’t know if I can go on a set with how nauseous I’ve been feeling all week. They basically plumped this concoction of their DNA and other stuff into my body, which forms into their version of babies over a month. Don’t worry, it was through my belly button and it didn’t even hurt. It felt weird but it wasn’t like getting a syringe poked into you.”

As she finished saying this, her stomach audibly rumbled on camera. She looked down and blinked. “Ugh, I just got super hungry. I’m gonna end this video now. Please keep things respectful in the comments, and it’ll be seeing you in the next update.” Nina reached over and ended the live feed to upload it fully. Afterwards, she went directly to the Door Dash app, all while her stomach moaned and gurgled deeply…

[ametrictonofaudacity]

Hii! I know you're probably already writing something about this but I would do anything to see more yan superfam 😭 I'm living off crumbs. I'm honestly very curious about what lois thinks about the whole situation and what Clark told her. I have a slight feeling he didn't tell her the whole truth. I also wanna know how Ma and Pa kent feel about their new grandchild. Anyways I hope you're doing well and thank you for feeding my superfam obsession kind sir. ❤️

Thank you for the well wishes and I do plan to expand on this further!!

I’ll be doing headcanons, so it’s a bit more organized while I get a scenario ready!

Lois

Lois is aware something isn’t quite right between you and Clark. You’re jumpy, always on alert, and it takes a second for it to click for her that this only increases when you’re around him.

She is immediately concerned. While she cannot picture Clark hurting anyone, knowing how gentle he has always been with her, she is also aware everyone who has ever been complicit in terrible things has said that exact thing.

Clark tells her, in soft hushed tones so you don’t hear, that you didn’t come from a good family. That they hadn’t protected you the way they should have, that they hurt you, that he was doing his best to take care of you but you were always anxious, and didn’t trust him.

And Lois knows Clark. Knows his tells. And thinks he’s telling the truth, because that is what he believes.

She still keeps a sharp eye on you, unsure, but she does her best to help take care of you. You appreciate her help, and often go to her for comfort when you are too stressed and anxious to function.

In summary, she knows there’s more going on, she just doesn’t know what. She tries her best to be there for you, unintentionally slotting into the mother-child dynamic Clark had always pictured for the two, and cares for you deeply.

Ma and Pa Kent

You aren’t introduced to them until much, much later.

If Clark is careful introducing you to Lois, he is doubly careful introducing you to his parents. He waits until you’re no longer cripplingly anxious around him, having adjusted to farm life on the property.

It takes a fair amount of pressure from Lois and Ma and Pa Kent for him to cave. He tells them that he didn’t want to overwhelm you, or move too fast.

When he introduces you, you are polite. Cordial, and warm. Ma and Pa are hard to keep your guard up around, and you find yourself enjoying their company a great deal.

Pa Kent takes you out to work in the barn. You end up enjoying yourself, sweaty and tired from the labor, and he is surprised just how much he had enjoyed having someone help him out there.

Both Ma and Pa don’t know about Clark, and his paranoia, but they do love you like a grandchild, and do everything they can to help you when you need it.

[shiki-aki]

“You told me to go wherever I like, but I want to be with you until the end.”

A Shikiaki Meta

Part Two: Shiki and Akira’s Encounters (I)

A sharp burst of wind; the flash of naked steel.

[Previous] Part One: Akira's Characterization

This is part two of the meta where we’ll finally get to analyzing Shiki and Akira’s initial encounters. I ended up splitting this part in half because it was getting too long, so part three of the meta will be a direct continuation of part two.

Just as a heads up, I’m going to be rambling a lot more going forward because there’s just so much I love about every single Shikiaki interaction that it’s difficult for me to organize my thoughts and lay them out in a concise manner, but I'll try. Also, I’ll probably gush over Shiki a lot, but I’ll keep it to a minimum (no I won’t lol).

The reason why I’m not ordering anything into sections but rather just analyzing each scene as they come up is because I feel like there are just so many intertwining layers when it comes to the Shikiaki dynamic, that it’s hard to talk about one aspect of their relationship without inevitably straying into another. Going through every single scene in Shiki’s route and breaking down exactly what happens in them, along with my interpretation/analysis of each scene, is, frankly, the easiest way for me to go about writing this meta, so that’s how I’m going to do it.

We pick up where we left off with Akira going into the alley even though he sees all these people running. This act in particular hints to Akira’s fearlessness, which is a character trait that’s expanded more upon later in Shiki’s route. Logically, what Akira should do is go back into the hotel and ask Rin or Motomi who Shiki is and why everyone’s running away from him. Instead, he lets his curiosity get the better of him and decides to go see who Shiki is for himself, because Akira can’t help but be intrigued by the fact that there’s someone who is so strong and powerful that his mere name and presence would inspire fear into others.

In the alley, he senses a deadly presence and can tell this person isn’t some “common thug” like those other Igra fighters. He sees the blood, the dead bodies, and then the man responsible for the massacre, and Akira instantly deduces that this man is Shiki—the guy everyone is running away from.

Honestly, I just love the tension and buildup to the moment that Akira actually sees Shiki. He can immediately sense what makes Shiki so different from everyone else.

Then we finally see Shiki in this iconic CG, and this is the first line of text that accompanies it:

—Crimson eyes, redder than blood.

I'm calling attention to this line because it tells us the very first thing that Akira notices about Shiki: his eyes.

Eyes are a recurring motif in Shiki’s route. There are several, and I mean several instances in Shiki's route where the text mentions Shiki's eyes. The game makes a point of drawing attention to Shiki's eyes, and since the game takes place from Akira's POV, it's Akira himself who is noticing Shiki's eyes each time this is happening.

From a writing standpoint, it doesn't make sense to point out Shiki's eyes or the color of his eyes so much because in real life, we rarely take notice of people's eye color. Like really, truly think about how often you take notice of people's eyes when talking to them instead of just paying attention to their body language or the words they're saying. It wouldn't make sense for Akira to notice or mention Shiki's eyes in his POV so much… unless there was a deeper meaning behind it.

In Shiki's route, the motif of eyes is repeated throughout the story as a way of highlighting and reinforcing the character dynamic between Shiki and Akira. It's not about their eyes in a literal sense, but about the figurative meanings/ideas conveyed through the motif. When Akira looks into Shiki's eyes, he's seeing and acknowledging Shiki's confidence and strength, his domineering attitude, and his single-minded ambition. When Shiki looks into Akira's eyes, he's seeing and acknowledging Akira's fearlessness, his indomitable spirit, and his strong will.

Simply put, the act of gazing into each other's eyes is about Shiki and Akira acknowledging (and more implicitly, respecting) the character traits that the other has. And it’s this recognition and understanding of each other's psyches that shape their overall dynamic and interactions. Shiki’s overbearing confidence and domineering attitude is what pushes Akira to act more stubborn and prideful, and in turn, Akira’s indomitable disposition is what pushes Shiki into acting more aggressive and forceful with him. It's this back-and-forth struggle between them that makes their individual characterizations shine, because we see how their characterizations continuously grow and develop in response to the other's actions and behaviors.

Their interactions are driven by how constantly at odds they are with each other, and this opposition between them is what leads to their eventual character growths. The more Shiki demands Akira to submit, the more Akira develops a resolve to stay true to himself and follow his own will. And the more Akira refuses to give in, the more Shiki comes to respect him and see how strength can manifest in ways other than physical prowess, and apply that principle to himself.

The recurring act of them gazing into each other's eyes throughout the narrative also doubles as a way of adding tension to their dynamic because let's be real: the way Shiki and Akira look at each other is extremely intense and sexually charged. In fact, the manga does an excellent job at showing the chemistry between their gazes, since it's a more visual medium than textual.

The gist of my point is: a lot of Shiki and Akira’s interactions in the game (and manga) involve them eye fucking each other, and it's narratively important to their dynamic that they do so. It adds sexual tension to their interactions, but it also gives us insight to their characterizations and how they perceive each other.

When Akira and Shiki finally engage in battle, Akira focuses on the weight of Shiki’s sword against his knife. That’s his initial reaction. But then his focus shifts to Shiki’s gaze on him, and while he can’t interpret any emotion from Shiki’s expression, he can identify the bloodlust in Shiki’s eyes. This is already the first instance of Akira being able to gauge something about Shiki's behavior just by looking into his eyes.

Akira’s impression of Shiki is that he looks “like a mannequin,” which is a bit of a strange descriptor to use, but it’s a deliberate choice of words here because this isn’t the only time in the game in which Shiki is likened to a doll. My interpretation of this is that Akira is perceiving Shiki’s strength, demeanor, and appearance as inhuman during this moment because Shiki is leagues beyond anyone he’s ever met, and there's just something about him that makes him stand out from the rest.

And this idea of not being human is an image that Shiki himself very carefully cultivates. He actively tries to cast away his humanity (emotions) in order to achieve what he perceives to be ultimate strength. After all, the only one who was strong enough to make him feel fear for the first time in his life was an emotionless "weapon," so Shiki tries to discard his emotions in pursuit of that same strength, believing emotions to be a source of weakness for him.

Hence why the text describes Shiki's face as "pallid and expressionless" during this scene and likens him to a mannequin. A mannequin/doll doesn't experience emotions, and it doesn't suffer the same flaws a human would when it comes to feeling exhaustion or hesitation or any other limitations in battle. Basically, Shiki wants to be like Nano, because although he'll never admit it out loud, he knows that Nano is stronger than him.

To top it all off, the soundtrack that plays whenever Shiki shows up in the game is called "Invincible," which further demonstrates how he wants to be above his humanity so he can prove (and reaffirm) his strength. The only ironic thing about all this is that he ends up developing an emotional attachment to Akira and feeling affection for him by the end of his route, and this meta is all about exploring how Shiki gets to that point.

It's not a coincidence that the choice selection for Shiki's route involves Shiki and Akira looking directly into each other's eyes. This is what I mean when I say their interactions are about them eye fucking each other. It really could not get any more explicit about how their dynamic revolves around them meeting each other’s gazes and acknowledging each other's core traits and strengths through that act.

This is the defining moment that determines whether you'll end up on Shiki's route or not. If Akira chooses to look away, you won't end up on Shiki's route because Shiki will perceive Akira as weak and disregard him. But if Akira chooses to hold his gaze, then the game will continue on Shiki's route because Shiki will recognize Akira's backbone and consider him to be different from the other fighters who usually avert their gaze out of fear.

The choice is a test of Akira's strength—not physical, but mental. It's already clear that Shiki overpowers Akira in terms of physical strength, but Akira's mental resilience is what makes Shiki interested in him following this exchange.

This moment tells us just as much info about Shiki's characterization as it does for Akira's. Shiki will only acknowledge those who are brave enough to face him head on, and Akira is exactly that type of headstrong person who won't let himself succumb to his own fears and doubts in battle.

I’m including the manga version of the same scene here because it conveys the tension of this moment extremely well, and also because I love Chayamachi Suguro’s artstyle. Mostly because I love Chayamachi Suguro’s artstyle.

The panels are formatted in a way that makes it clear the focus is on Shiki’s and Akira’s gazes, which ties back in with the motif of eyes I discussed before.

Akira recognizes that this isn't just a battle of strength between them, but also a battle of wills. He knows that looking away first would be akin to admitting defeat, but Akira is not the type of person to just roll over and give up easily. His perseverance is what enabled him to survive thus far in the first place.

Shiki calls Akira a "weakling," which pisses Akira off because it's obvious trash talk, but on some level, he knows Shiki is right.

And from Shiki's POV, he does view Akira as weak and beneath him, but he also recognizes that Akira is different from the other fighters. Instead of running away, Akira chose to fight him head on—and that's Akira's own form of strength that Shiki subconsciously acknowledges. If Shiki really did view Akira as a weakling who wasn't worth his time (or had any worth being alive at all), he would've continued his attack and killed Akira right there, but he didn't. Instead he backed off and walked away.

Even though Shiki is the one to back off first, it's clear that Akira is the loser in the fight. Akira understands this; he understands the disparity between him and Shiki in terms of strength. Shiki also knows he's made it clear just how weak Akira is compared to him, which is why it isn't an admission of defeat when he walks away first, but a power move. He knows Akira can't do anything to him.

Honestly, I love Akira's reaction after this near-death encounter with Shiki. He's aware of how easily he could've died in this fight, and yet he feels… elation/euphoria following this experience. This isn't like the fight with Takeru where it could've gone either way because they're evenly matched. Akira was 100% dead here if Shiki actually intended to kill him.

Akira's initial reaction isn't even to feel upset that he lost, but to bask in the excitement of such a thrilling encounter. This is the same guy who couldn't even feel any emotion when fighting in Bl@ster, but it was precisely because nobody in Bl@ster could match up to him and threaten his position as the champion that Akira started to feel numb. The same guy who wants to know what it's like to face death, and is now one step closer to it.

And now that Akira has finally fought someone who's way stronger than him and experiences what it's like to lose a fight, he realizes he's not as strong as he thought he was. This is the moment when Akira finally understands that Igra is a completely different experience from Bl@ster. It wasn't seeing a guy committing necrophilia, or watching the Executioners maniacally bashing someone's head in, or facing an opponent who is evenly matched with him (Takeru) that made him realize that Igra is nothing like Bl@ster. No, it was him getting his ass handed to by Shiki that made him realize this.

I'm going to pause for a moment here to draw a parallel between this Shikiaki scene and Shiki's first encounter with Nano, because it’s hard to talk about the Shikiaki dynamic without going into Shiki’s backstory and explaining his mindset and why he comes to be so fascinated with Akira in particular.

The following quote is what Shiki says at the very beginning of his drama CD:

Shiki: I have never forgotten, not once, have I forgot those vacant purple pupils. The anxiety and the feeling as if I was shivering...What led me to understand what fear was. That sole experience of humiliation in my memory. Since that day, I kept pursuing him. This memory of the weak experience in the past exists to bury that man.

(Credit to silver_spray on Livejournal for the translation. I'll be using their translation any time I cite text from Shiki's drama CD, since they have a full translation of his drama CD in one place.)

The translation is a little clunky, but we can understand what Shiki's saying in his monologue. He's talking about the day he saw Nano at the military base and how he experienced fear for the first time in his life. The reason why Shiki can't let go of this memory, and why he centers his ambition solely on the pursuit of Nano, is because Nano shattered Shiki’s self-perception and made Shiki doubt everything he knew about himself.

Shiki is someone who prides himself on his strength and bases his entire identity around being strong. He thinks that those who exhibit fear are "weak," and that's why he felt so humiliated when Nano made him feel fear for the first time. If experiencing fear makes one weak, then by Shiki's own logic, he's weak and not actually strong like he thought he was. Shiki couldn't reconcile this revelation with his mindset, and it fucked him up severely to realize he was no different from the "cowards" and "weaklings" he looked down upon.

It's not just that Nano made Shiki feel fear during their encounter; it's that Shiki derives meaning in his existence by believing he's strong and proving his strength, so having his sense of self challenged like this messed him up.

And just to make it clear: I’m not judging Shiki’s character by how complex, fleshed out, or sympathetic his backstory/motivation is. I don’t mind that Shiki has a “shallow” goal, and I certainly don't think that diminishes his chemistry with Akira. What matters to me most is how consistent Shiki’s character is in relation to the themes set up within his own route, and how well he acts as a foil to Akira. Shiki embodies all the values that Akira lacks in his own life (a strong sense of purpose, an inclination to live, the freedom to do as he will with his own existence), and him acting as a foil to Akira serves to further our understanding of Akira's character. In short: I’m judging Shiki's characterization, backstory, and motivation by how well all of these factors come together to form his dynamic with Akira.

In part one of this meta, I explained how Akira’s character embodies the theme of nihilism (life is meaningless, none of your actions have any intrinsic value, death just means the body stops functioning). Shiki’s character stands directly as a contrast to this. His character embodies the theme of existentialism (you create your own meaning in life, your actions define who you are, you have the freedom to dictate your own purpose and reason for existing). Shiki finds meaning in his existence by being strong, and his actions and attitude reflect that. He walks his own path in life and doesn’t let anyone or anything impede him.

After his meeting with Nano, Shiki devotes his life to the goal of surpassing Nano—the one person who made him feel weak, who made him feel fear, who made him taste the humiliation of defeat—and his desire for revenge consumes him so much that it inadvertently becomes his sole purpose for existing.

So the big difference between Shiki and Akira is: Akira doesn’t see any reason to live, let alone a meaning to his own existence, while Shiki has made surpassing Nano his entire purpose and reason for living—his raison d'être, if you will.

If Akira's nihilism makes him believe that nothing in life has any value or meaning, therefore nothing he does matter, then Shiki's existentialism makes him believe that he can determine his own meaning in life (being the strongest) through his actions, therefore he'll devote himself to this one goal to validate his existence.

It’s the perfect setup for their dynamic. It’s not just that Shiki and Akira clash as characters—it’s that their philosophies, the very set of values that shape who they are and how they view themselves in the world, are in direct opposition with each other, but it's this polarity that makes them drawn to each other, and it’s what leads to their eventual character growths.

Again, I’m not an expert on philosophy, but to be fair, I don’t think the game is trying to do a meaningful dissection of these themes, either. It simply uses them as a framework for Shiki’s and Akira’s characterizations and their dynamic, and thus my analysis is also applied that way in this meta. I’m not focusing on their philosophies so much as I’m focusing on how, exactly, their opposing mindsets influence the way they interact and view each other, and how, eventually, their dynamic shifts from mutual hate to mutual respect.

This meta in general will focus on Akira's and Shiki's characterizations because I think their compatibility is most evident in how they individually change and complete each other's character arcs.

Getting back to the point of how Shiki and Akira’s first meeting parallels Shiki and Nano’s first meeting, Nano made Shiki feel utterly weak and powerless for the first time in his life, and Shiki does the same here to Akira. Shiki believed he was the strongest prior to his encounter with Nano, and Akira never fought anyone who could come close to beating him in Bl@ster. Even in Igra, Akira was evenly matched with Takeru. The circumstances are very similar, but the reason why Akira doesn’t feel nearly as devastated from experiencing defeat after his fight with Shiki is because unlike Shiki, he never based his identity or existence around being strong or invincible. Sure, his pride is hurt, and now he knows that being the undefeated Bl@ster champion doesn’t actually mean anything, but he just brushes it off and accepts the outcome.

The point I’m trying to make with this parallel is: Shiki takes up the role of "Nano" in his encounters with Akira, but because of this, he also sees himself in Akira when Akira struggles against him. You could say that Shiki projects onto Akira, and the reason why he likes it when Akira fights back is because it makes him feel validated in his own struggle against Nano.

But as much as I'm trying to say there's a parallel between these two scenes, there's actually a pointed difference: Shiki was overcome with fear when he faced Nano and wanted to "erase" that fear by killing Nano, while Akira stood his ground and locked eyes with Shiki as a way of challenging Shiki’s dominance. In fact, there's nothing in the text that indicates Akira feels any fear during this scene with Shiki; just anticipation and excitement. And this distinction is what leads Shiki to become so fascinated by Akira’s behavior and mindset. When confronted with the same circumstance, why is it that Akira is able to fight back without succumbing to fear?

So there’s two reasons in particular for why Akira stands out to Shiki during their first encounter:

Akira didn’t run away like the other fighters

Akira didn’t show fear/"Look Away" even when he was clearly outclassed in their fight

We know that Shiki considers people who exhibit fear to be weak. So what does that make Akira, then?

I'm leaving that question open-ended because I don't think even Shiki himself can answer that question. He might call Akira a weakling, but he obviously shows a different thought in his actions if he chooses to let Akira live, and Shiki isn’t the type of person whose words should be taken at face value considering he tries to suppress his emotions in order to be strong.

Akira is different from all the people Shiki has met before; there’s no denying that, and this feeling of "I've never met anyone like you" is mutual. For Akira, it's the first time he's met someone who can make him feel completely outclassed. For Shiki, it's the first time he's encountered someone who met his gaze in battle instead of succumbing to fear.

Okay. We are finally done analyzing this (very iconic) scene. Onto the next one.

Akira gets ambushed by three dudes, almost gets raped, also gets his arm stabbed, and then manages to barely escape because one of the guys started having a reaction after tasting Akira’s blood on his knife. Akira tries to process what happened, realizes it’s “pointless to dwell on the matter” and then decides to reflect on his encounter with Shiki instead. Like… this just shows where Akira’s priorities lie. He’s more focused on his encounter with Shiki than the encounter he just had with those three men, even though the latter was a much more dangerous and terrifying situation for him.

"He’s actually got quite the fanclub going."

(Can confirm that a Shiki fanclub exists because I’m in it.)

Jokes aside, if it wasn’t obvious enough before that Akira is interested in Shiki (especially after such an intense encounter), then it should be clear now. He tries to gather some info about Shiki from Motomi but doesn’t learn much aside from the fact that Shiki’s apparently not interested in challenging Il Re and probably has "some other goal."

The next time Shiki and Akira meet is right after Nano leaves a suitcase in Akira's hand and informs him that, "A man will be here soon."

That man turns out to be Shiki. What's interesting to me is how civil this interaction starts out—as civil as you can get with someone like Shiki. The last time they met, Shiki nearly killed Akira, and the only reason Akira came out of that fight alive was because Shiki chose to spare him.

After Shiki checks the contents of the suitcase, he threatens Akira and tells him to "forget everything [he] saw here." But think about it: if Shiki really wanted to make sure Akira wouldn't tell anyone, he could just kill Akira and permanently silence him. And yet he's making the decision to spare Akira, again. Shiki, the guy who's infamous for killing people whenever he shows up and making everyone run away at the sight of him.

Shiki's already treating Akira differently from the rest. If a random thug had been there in the alleyway instead of Akira, I think it's safe to assume Shiki would've killed the guy already without going through all this trouble of making a threat. But he gives Akira the opportunity to live, so long as Akira agrees to his demand of course, and it's probably because he remembers and acknowledges Akira's bravery from their previous encounter.

And now we get the classic Shikiaki moment of Shiki and Akira meeting each other's eyes. Akira is backed into a position where he has to obey or else Shiki will kill him, but we know from Akira’s previous encounters with the police that he hates being pushed around and told what to do, and any time someone tries to subdue him, he responds in a rebellious manner. It’s interesting to note that the text goes out of its way to state that Akira feels fear during this moment, which is understandable given how Shiki has his sword right at his throat and he’s one slice away from dying. But instead of succumbing to his fear and obeying quietly, Akira chooses to defy Shiki.

Shiki asks Akira if he would rather die, to which Akira decides yes, he would. And this decision is so important to the dynamic between them. It's what compels Shiki to keep pushing Akira so that he can see how far Akira is willing to risk death just for the sake of defying him. It's what makes Akira start to develop agency through his actions and find meaning in the choices he makes. This moment is the impetus for their dynamic in the way that it sets up all their future interactions onward.

Akira takes it one step further and even taunts Shiki to kill him. This is how much he despises being subjugated to someone else.

The reason why Akira deliberately provokes Shiki is because it's his own way of trying to take back control of the situation. If Akira is the one making the demands—"You might as well kill me"—then Shiki will technically be the one obeying Akira if he does kill him.

I've been talking a lot about how Shiki and Akira are different, how their characterizations make them clash, and how their philosophies oppose each other on a fundamental level, but actually, part of what makes their dynamic so compelling and intense is that they're… extremely similar when you think about it. They're both stubborn, strong-willed, determined to have their own way, and they refuse to submit to others, which is how you end up with this dynamic where neither of them are willing to relent. Ironically, these traits that add conflict and tension to their dynamic are the same traits that end up making them respect each other by the end of Shiki's route.

Shiki is just as stubborn as Akira is when it comes to not wanting to be under the control of someone else, which is why he chooses not to kill Akira despite the blatant provocation.

The other factor for why Shiki doesn't kill Akira during this scene is because he views Akira as an anomaly. He's so used to other Igra fighters begging for mercy from him that it genuinely catches him off guard that Akira would refuse to beg for his life.

Shiki doesn't kill Akira because on some level, he respects Akira's pride, fearlessness, and determination. Akira doesn't let his fear stop him from lashing out against Shiki.

We know that Akira feels fear during this moment because the text made a point of explicitly telling us so: "Akira felt afraid, but at the same time, he felt a rising indignation." But there's a nuance to it. Shiki thinks feeling fear is a sign of weakness—that’s why he felt so humiliated when Nano made him feel fear. Akira, on the other hand, doesn’t associate fear with humiliation or weakness; rather, being forced into submission is what makes him feel humiliated and weak, which is why he stubbornly resists Shiki in spite of the fear he feels.

The difference between Shiki and Akira is that Shiki lets his fear of Nano control his actions, while Akira doesn’t let his fear control him. And this distinction plays a big role in why Shiki slowly comes to respect Akira.

Going back to the text, Shiki decides to spare Akira, but he calls Akira a “fool.” It’s not really clear why he specifically uses this term to insult Akira, but based on my own interpretation of Shiki’s character, this is what I believe: he calls Akira a fool because he thinks it’s foolish that Akira doesn’t value or respect his own life.

Even though Shiki goes around killing people for the hell of it, I think he actually values life—way more than Akira does, at least. He only kills the people who he deems to be weak, and lets people like Akira and Rin (for a while) live. But I think Shiki’s perspective on life is most telling in the way he views his own life. He dedicates his whole life to achieving this one goal, and goes about it in an extremely unhealthy way, uncaring of the consequences that come with the path he takes.

If Akira doesn’t see a point in living because he thinks life has no meaning or value, then Shiki is the polar opposite of him in that he holds his own life in high regard, such that every action he takes has a purpose/meaning to it.

The text tells us, unambiguously, that the reason why Akira got so worked up during this confrontation is because the one thing he can't stand is people trying to control him. Again, Akira's characterization has been very consistent so far. His interactions with Shiki and the way they play out feel organic because both of their actions and dialogue match what we know of their characterizations and philosophies.

The text also reminds us that Akira was feeling terror during this moment with Shiki. But he's not humiliated over feeling fear; he's angry that he was pushed around and forced to bend to someone's will.

We know how Akira feels after this confrontation, but what about on Shiki's end? Well, this is Shiki's POV from the drama CD:

(For context, he's just killed three men who were on Rein and is dissatisfied by how weak they were.)

Shiki: I know, even if drugs are used, if Line is used, that a suitable person that can show as strong a power as that man won't appear so easily. But the chance is not zero. That's why I am providing the original fluid of Line to Arbitro and going along with his nonsense. But, why is there still this incomprehensible irritation? [Flashback] Akira: Then just kill me. Shiki: You want to give up and seek death? Akira: It's better than having to beg you for mercy. [End flashback] Shiki: Foolish. Just a nobody I happened to let off.

We learn that the reason why Shiki goes around distributing Rein is because he wants to face worthy opponents, and the whole Igra system is set up so that only those who are strong enough to collect a correct set of tags can challenge Il Re. But the thing is, Shiki looks down on people who use Rein for power instead of relying on their internal strength. He’s looking for strong opponents who use Rein so he can reaffirm his belief that self-made strength is superior to the strength gained from drugs.

It's a very contrived way of proving his strength, but it speaks to how much he fears and despises Nano. Shiki wants to surpass Nano, but he knows he can’t get close to him, so instead, he wants to kill those who have gained power via Rein as a way of reassuring himself that he is strong, and that he's better than Nano and everyone else because he doesn't have to rely on the power of the Nicole virus.

Unfortunately, there haven't been any new challengers for Il Re lately, much to his dismay. Shiki mostly spends his spare time killing random thugs in Toshima to sate his bloodlust, and during one of these killings, Shiki feels irritated for some reason. Then his mind flashes back to his encounter with Akira, and it's heavily implied that this memory is the source of his current emotional conflict. He remembers Akira's backbone during their confrontation, then tries to dismiss it by telling himself that Akira is "just a nobody."

It's obvious Shiki is in denial of his own emotions because if Akira really was just a nobody, Shiki wouldn't even be sparing him a second thought like he is now. Clearly that encounter affected him more than he would like to admit. And take note of how this flashback is contrasted with the preceding segment of Shiki mulling over how he hasn't been able to find any worthy opponents in a while, and how even though Rein is spreading around the city, the strength of your typical Igra fighter is still too low for his standards. Shiki's monologue and the flashback with Akira are deliberately juxtaposed in a way that helps us infer how Shiki views Akira.

Shiki recalls this memory with Akira specifically because Akira stands out as an outlier among all the Igra fighters he's encountered. Akira is someone who doesn't neatly fit into Shiki's definition of a weakling. He's not strong because Shiki is superior to him in terms of physical strength. But he's not weak either because he doesn't submit to anyone, and he doesn't give in to his fear of death. Most people beg for mercy in front of Shiki, but Akira is different in that he would rather die than ever endure the humiliation of begging.

We can see that Shiki has started to take an interest in Akira, even if he acts in denial about it.

I'm going to jump ahead now to this other scene where Akira is thinking to himself after the Meal of Duty massacre and his fight with Takeru. It's not a Shikiaki scene because it's about Takeru, but I'm including it here for the sake of Akira's characterization because it provides us some perspective on Akira's values.

The last time Akira and Takeru met was in Meal of Duty. Takeru was on Rein and was fully intent on killing Akira, but Akira barely managed to escape thanks to his blood. By all means, Akira shouldn’t have any reason to sympathize with Takeru or even feel any concern for him, especially after Takeru tried to kill him. It's not like they knew each other all that well, and their encounters were always colored in hostility thanks to Takeru's aggression. Akira shouldn't feel bad or care about what happens to Takeru; he hardly cares about people in general, but he expresses some sympathy toward him because Takeru is different.

Akira himself doesn't really know why he's concerned for Takeru, but he has enough self-awareness to understand that it's probably because he "caught a glimpse of something inside Takeru… some seething passion that set him apart from the other Igra fighters."

I've been talking a lot about how the reason why Shiki becomes so obsessed with Akira is because Akira is different from all the other Igra fighters. Akira doesn't like to back down, he doesn't cower in fear or submit to anyone even when forced into a life-or-death scenario.

But, on the other side of this, Akira also develops an obsession with Shiki because Shiki is so different from any of the fighters he's met before. He's drawn to the way Shiki is so single-mindedly dedicated to his goal and how he'll stop at nothing to achieve it.

I'm not going to go in-depth about it here because I want to save my analysis for when we actually get to the moonlight scene and learn more about Shiki's motivation, but I just wanted to throw that thought out there for now.

---

This is where I’ll end off part two for now. Part three will be a direct continuation of this.

[Next] Part Three: Shiki and Akira's Encounters (II)

[fetishfairytales2]

Happy Birthday Sissy! Pt. 4 (Story)

Heather and Brandon are original characters created by [no longer active] in their fantastic series “Besties”, which this blog expands on. ——————————————

The party was bumping by the time our first guests showed up. Lyndsey and Kylie were gossiping like old friends by the pool, probably plotting ways to humiliate poor little Brandi. And I was busy telling Kelsey, Rachel, and Maddie the story of the first time I let Connor fuck me while Brandi was forced to watch from the foot of the bed. 

“I swear to God,” I laughed, “she was fucking crying the whole time!” The sun was shining, the drinks were flowing, and to any unsuspecting bystander, it may have seemed like a normal pool party - except for the fact that there was a grown man prancing around in a frilly pink dress and an absurd amount of penis-themed decorations. Lyndsey did great with the decor. It was all pink and dicks. It looked like she had reused old bachelorette party decorations. Such a classy sissy birthday. 

Our boyfriends were all huddled together, drinking beer and probably boasting about the amount of sex they were promised for showing up and not asking too many questions.  They didn't seem to mind their girlfriends parading around half-naked in front of Brandi. It's funny how much of a threat someone isn't when they're wearing a frilly dress and a diaper! Poor Brandi, I don't think any of these alphas were worried about losing the girlfriends today.

"Hey Connor, Shawn, come here!" I called out, waving them over. Rolling their eyes, they made their way across the back yard. Shawn was Lyndsey’s long time boyfriend. The five of us had all known each other forever. But he, just like Connor, was a victim of Brandon’s bullying in school. "Would you mind turning Brandi towards the sun for us?" I pouted, making sure to push the girls up in my bikini top and flashing a smile. “Yeah,” Lyndsey giggled from the pool, “the poor girl isn’t getting enough color today. You big strong boys should help her out! She looks a little pale!” With my helpless sissy bound at the wrists and ankles in her oversized stroller, she was powerless to stop her latest humiliation.

The two hunks lifted her, stroller and all, in the air and faced her toward the pool. The little sissy would surely suffer in her heavy lace and polyester party dress, not to mention the inevitable diaper rash. Too bad, some sissies just have bad luck! Maddie and I sat on either side of the stroller, playfully dipping our toes in the pool, and giving Brandi innocent smiles. "Hello girly!" Maddie laughed, playfully poking her on the nose. Brandi could only grunt behind the pacifier gag. "Mommy and Aunt Maddie are ready to have some fun!" 

"Aww, don't be such a downer Miss Grumpy," Lyndsey teased, splashing Brandi from the pool. "It's your first sissy birthday and you've got gorgeous women all around you. What more could you want?" I winked and nodded at my friends - God, they were the best. Maddie and I snuggled closer in the stroller while Kylie and Lyndsey leaned over the pool, giving Brandi a perfect view of their cleavage. “What a fucking loser!” Shawn laughed. “You’re fucking drooling over her tits! Dude, she’s never going to fuck you! Later, when I’m fucking her though? I’ll put my massive cock in between those tits, just for you!” Lyndsey winked up at her boyfriend; “mmm, sounds like fun!”

Connor shook his head; “He was always such an asshole. Now he’s a fucking loser. Who the hell would let this happen to him?” The water works were already starting and I wanted to be the one that made Brandi cry! “Aww,” I teased my cuckold, “did the big mean men make sissy cry? They are just having a little fun sissy, they didn’t mean to hurt your feelings!” I smiled up at Connor; “thank you Daddy for helping your sweet sissy! I’ll make sure to thank you tonight.” The boys shrugged and headed back; “oh and boys? There’s three more cases of beer in the fridge, help yourself!” I winked at Lyndsey; “nice and drunk,” she mouthed quietly. I nodded and crossed my fingers.

"Oops!" giggled Kylie as she pulled her wet top down, flashing Brandi not at all subtly, "my silly bikini." She moaned like she was faking an orgasm, making us all giggle; "I'm just so wet!" I could hear muffled groans of what could only be a itsy bitsy sissy clitty trying to burst out of a spiked chastity cage. I playfully traced my nails along Brandi's exposed inner thigh, causing her to jump. "Oops!" I taunted with a smirk, sticking my tongue out. "My bad, baby. My hand slipped." 

Maddie got up and began clumsily adjusting Brandi's collar, leaving the gagged sweetheart confused. As Maddie took her time, her movements brought her closer and closer to the stroller. Much to Brandi's dismay, this meant my sister's Double Ds were pressed against her face. Maddie teasedly stuck her tongue out at me as I counted silently on my fingers. "Just a sec, girly!" she exclaimed dramatically. "I'm just trying to... it looks like something is caught. If I just..." Without a word, I started rubbing Brandi's chastity cage through her diaper while Maddie rocked back and forth, nearly motorboating the poor trapped sissy. 

"It's been three whole months," I whispered in Brandi's ear, “since you made cummies. And something tells me that’s not what you’re getting for her birthday…” As I continued to tease the birthday girl’s caged cock, Maddie leaned back and grinned at our plaything triumphantly. "Got it!" Brandi must have realized by now she was in for some unwanted birthday "surprises" from us girls. "Oh, no, no!" I chuckled as I caught her trying to squirm away. "Stay put!" I firmly slapped her face.

Lyndsey grinned as she leaned on the edge of the pool, her eyes fixed on the helpless loser in front of her. "You want to know something out Brandi?" she said, her tone playful. "While I was watching her that one time, I found out something interesting about her..." She smirked. "Oh really? Do tell, babes," I giggled, playing along with her. "Turns out, Brandi is a huge fan of ass," Lyndsey said, a wicked look in her eye. "I swear, you should have seen how big the pile of loser goo was that she made! It was when she watched that video of you getting fucked from behind by Connor." 

Maddie laughed, "I've known this pathetic loser, for years and, trust me, she’s definitely more into boobs." We all turned to look at Brandi, waiting for her answer. "Well?" I prodded, "Don't make us wait! What gets your sissy stick harder?" But Brandi could only glance between us and try to speak through the four-inch cock filling her mouth.

"Spill it, girl!" Kylie exclaimed with a giggle, turning around and glancing over her shoulder, proudly flaunting her curvy backside in a tight bikini. "Whatcha think?" she asked, pulling her bikini further up her ass. "Is it this amazing booty?" Lyndsey chimed in, giving a spank. "Don't you just wish you could make this slut get down on her knees and shake that ass for you, Brandi?" Lyndsey pulled on Kylie's hair and humped her. "Too bad you'll never get a chance to do that to a woman again," Maddie whispered in Brandi's ear, watching as she squirmed in her chastity cage. "Oh Brandon!" Kylie moaned, "you sexy stud! My ass is completely yours, don't you just love it?"

The spikes were probably hurting Brandi's cock by now because tears were rolling down her cheeks and her mascara was smudged. "Come on girls!" I chuckled. "You know the poor thing is stuck with such a tiny, pathetic penis. And Maddie is right! Brandi can't resist a good pair of tits." On cue, Maddie got up and spread out a towel. "It's really a shame," she sighed as she untied her top and laid down to tan, and tease the sissy. "All these hot girls around and all you can do is look." 

Kylie and Lyndsey followed Maddie's lead and removed their bikini tops before laying down topless for Brandi to ogle at helplessly. I quickly checked the time on my watch - only 1 hour until the other guests arrived, which meant 30 minutes to get the guys drunk enough for Brandi's special celebration. "Hey honey?" Lyndsey called out to Shawn, "would you ever let Brandi give you a blowjob?" The guys all laughed and nodded in agreement with Shawn’s drunken and slurred response; "a blowjob is a blowjob!" Lyndsey and I shared a knowing smile. Perfect...

[the-martyrfication-of-the-matron]

I reach astronomically

You give me Jess responding to a character dialogue weird and I give you the conspiracy that Brendan was being set up as a potential love interest (mostly bc there weren’t any other aware dudes for aph to kiss but him and Garf) in early MCD (ep22) but this quickly got scrapped in favour of Laurence who is introduced 4 episodes later.

And I don’t think Brendan being a love interest was ever like something thoroughly planned out, or even seriously considered, but I do take where these episodes fall into heavy consideration. Episodes at this time were pretty clearly planned in like 5 episode chunks, that’s how long storylines/arcs tended to be, and Brendan’s little moment was in the early 20s chunk, and Laurence was introduced in the late 20s chunk.

I think they realised they wanted a romance to grip the fans and were trying to play around with a character they already had in the cast, Brendan, but it quickly became pretty clear that it wouldn’t work and so when they came to plan for the next chunk, decided to create a new character to be a love interest.

and I have my thoughts about this. I don’t think Brendan, as they set him up in the episodes leading up to this point, would be a good love interest, but I do kind of wonder what would’ve happened if they stuck by it.

I’m a sucker for a farm boy… so…. Hm.

This is based off of Jess acting really weird and defensive to Brendan saying:

“Not that I’m looking for a woman to marry or anything like that! I mean… unless someone wanted to…”

So I’m just wondering if this was meant to be aimed at Aph specifically…

When I get to episode 25 I’ll probably circle back and expand upon this if there’s anything more to say, but I genuinely think it was probably a one-and-done. Didn’t see any fans enjoying it so they just didn’t continue.